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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23234935">now you know me, for your eyes only</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfwayinit/pseuds/halfwayinit'>halfwayinit</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>EastEnders (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, a place for prompts from tumblr</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 13:14:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>21,121</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23234935</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfwayinit/pseuds/halfwayinit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>a collection of ballum prompts from tumblr</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>268</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. "i told you not to fall in love with me."</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>title based off lyrcis from one direction's 'if i could fly'</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>His feet are hardly touching the ground as he runs. His chest is heaving, and it feels as if he can’t get enough oxygen to his lungs. In the distance, the sun is starting to set behind the trees that line the road to the manor.</p><p>He can’t be too late. He <em>can’t.</em></p><p>Stones are being kicked away beneath his feet as he runs, and for a fleeting moment he wishes he had time to change out of his old work clothes. As if any of that even matters now.</p><p>He’s skidding to a halt when Ben appears from the shadows of the stables. Even after all this time, he still takes Callum’s breath away.</p><p>There’s an orange glow from the sun illuminating his features as he raises his head to look back at Callum.</p><p>“I thought you weren’t coming.” His voice is barely a whisper, just loud enough for Callum to hear.</p><p>Callum takes a step forward, unsure of what his next move should be now that he’s here.</p><p>Standing here in front of Ben.</p><p>Ben Mitchell with his hair falling into his eyes as they slave away in the work yard, his sarcastic quips at Callum’s clumsiness, his shy smile when he thinks Callum isn’t looking.</p><p>Callum loves him. He wants to tell him.</p><p>He <em>needs </em>to tell him.</p><p>He steps forward and reaches out for Ben’s hand. “Ben, I need to tell you someth-“</p><p>Ben cuts him off, voice now harsh and cutting through Callum. “Lola and I, we’re leaving tomorrow morning. My father’s arranged for us to marry. I just wanted to let you know..if you’re wondering why I didn’t show up at the yard tomorrow.”</p><p>He won’t meet Callum’s eyes now, staring off into the corner of the stables, jaw clenched and lips set in a line.</p><p>Deep down, Callum knew it was coming. This time they’re living in..</p><p>But still, Callum had hoped.</p><p>The thing about hope is, they say it breeds eternal misery.</p><p>“Please don’t go.” His voice is desperate, even to his own ears. But, he can’t bring himself to care. He’d do anything and say anything to make Ben stay.</p><p>After seconds that felt like an eternity, Ben slowly turns his head to meet Callum’s eyes. They match his own, burning with tears and things they wish they could say.</p><p>Maybe in another lifetime.</p><p>Ben reaches out a tentative hand and cups Callum’s jawline, fingers featherlight against his skin. Callum can’t help but lean into it, rests his head against Ben’s hold and feels his eyes flutter shut.</p><p>“I told you not to fall in love with me.” Ben whispers.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. “ i am lost this time”</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>for @dingletragedy, happy birthday lovely x</strong>
</p><p>
  
</p><p><em>But if only you could see yourself in my eyes</em> <em><br/>
You'd see you shine, you shine</em></p><p>They’ve barely spoken in days. Lexi fills the silence for them, chattering about school and how her teacher has promised to show her sign more sign language. Ben smiles and nods along, but Callum can see how it doesn’t reach his eyes, how not even Lexi can lift him up anymore.</p><p>It hurts, it hurts a lot if he’s being honest. He wants to be there for Ben so bad, to show him that he’s in it for the long haul, wants to help him get through this. As a team. Because, at the end of the day, that’s what they are. Callum and Ben. Ben and Callum. From day one, even when they didn’t want to be.</p><p>Instead, he tries to show him in little ways.</p><p>Brings him up a cup of tea when he’s holed himself away in bed for the day. Runs him a bath in the evening with no intention other than to ease the tension from his shoulders. Maybe it’s enough for now. To be there silently, a comforting presence that Ben knows will always be there to fall back on.</p><p>Callum hopes it’s enough.</p><p>
  <em><br/>
I know you'd never leave me behind<br/>
But I am lost this time</em>
</p><p>The dam breaks on a Tuesday afternoon. Callum’s just got back from a run, huffing through the door and running his hand through Ben’s hair to let him know he’s back. Ben doesn’t say anything, doesn’t say much these days at all. He’s sitting upright on the couch, muscles tense and staring at his phone screen.</p><p>It’s only when Callum’s turning to head for a shower that he hears the sob that rips from Ben’s throat. It’s choked and desperate, a sound that Callum has never heard come from him before. It terrifies him.</p><p>He’s at Ben’s side in seconds, crouching down and grabbing at his hands that cover his face.</p><p>“Ben, Ben, look at me. Look at me Ben.” His voice is desperate, and he feels so helpless knowing Ben can’t hear him.</p><p>Callum pulls Ben into him, heart aching as he feels Ben’s sobs against his chest. He holds him like that for a while, hands tracing up and down his back, fingers featherlight against his shuddering breaths.</p><p>After a while, Ben pulls back and lifts his head to look at Callum. His eyes are puffy and red, tears still tracking down his cheeks. Callum wipes them away with the pad of his thumb, pressing gently against Ben’s warm skin.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” Ben eventually chokes out, voice loud in the otherwise silent room.</p><p>Callum make sure Ben is looking at him before he replies, “You have nothing to be sorry for Ben, absolutely nothing. Okay?” his words are slow and deliberate, he wants Ben to understand every word.</p><p>Ben’s eyes move from Callum’s lips to his eyes, searching for something that he’s not quite sure of yet. More tears well up in his eyes as he tears his gaze away from Callum, “I hate feeling like a burden.”</p><p>
  <em><br/>
Are we destined to burn or will we last the night?<br/>
I will hold you 'til I hold you right</em>
</p><p>Callum places two cups of tea onto the nightstand and toes off his running shoes.</p><p>Ben’s curled up on Callum’s side of the bed, eyes following Callum’s movements. He looks small and frail on the bed, like the weight of the world is weighing him down. Callum’s heart aches for him, wants to protect him with every fibre of his being.</p><p>For now though, this is enough.</p><p>Being there for Ben, bringing him tea and curling up with him in bed. Letting him know that he’s not alone, that Callum’s going nowhere.</p><p>“I’m sorry, again.” Ben mutters as Callum sinks down beside him on the bed. He instinctively curls himself around Callum, hands playing with the drawstring of his hoodie.</p><p>“Hey” Callum gently tilts Ben’s head up towards him, wants his words to sink in and take away every doubt and insecurity in his boyfriend’s head. “I told you already, you’re not a burden. You’re my boyfriend and I love you. You could never be a burden to me.”</p><p>Ben follows every word, lips tilting slightly at Callum’s words. They’re just words, but they hold so much meaning, so much love. They’re enough for Ben for now. Callum will always be more than enough for him.</p><p><br/>
<em>But if only you could see yourself in my eyes</em><br/>
<em>You'd see you shine, you shine</em>
</p><p>“I love you, Callum”.</p><p>A smile, arms winding around his waist, a sweet kiss pressed to his lips.</p><p>“I know, I’ve always known.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>who doesn't love some dermot kennedy?<br/>find me on tumblr @halfwayinit :)<br/>feedback welcomed and wanted always!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. “go with me?”  “as long as you hold my hand.”</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <strong>
    <span class="s1">“go with me?” “as long as you hold my hand.” </span>
  </strong>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">The waiting area in Walford General is quiet, just the faint murmur of whispered talking in the air. Beside Callum, Ben’s restless in his seat. Nervousness radiates off him as he wrings his hands together, hunched over with his head bowed.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">The date of his operation came around quickly, a cancellation pushing it forward weeks. Ben thought it was good at first, finally the time had come to fix his hearing, to go back to his normal life. He was sick and tired of text messages and his god-awful attempts at sign language. He wanted the operation, needed it. Needed to hear his daughter laugh again, to hear Callum tell him he loves him, god he even wanted to hear his mum chastise him one more time. He’d never take it for granted again.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">But now, the nerves are starting to rise within him. He brushed off Callum and his mum when they tried to talk to him about complications that might come from the surgery, refused to entertain his doctor’s warning that it might not work. That he could be stuck like this for the rest of his life, white noise taking up the space around him. It made him sick to think about it. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">He doesn’t realise how tense he is until Callum’s hand comes to rest over his own. They’re warm and strong against Ben’s, enveloping them almost. His shoulders relax a little as he leans back to look at his boyfriend’s face.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“You okay?” Callum mouths, lips tilted slightly in a smile that says ‘I’m here for you, no matter what.’</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Ben nods his head, relaxes a little more with Callum’s thumb stroking circles on his palm. He’ll be fine. Everything will be fine. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“Just thinking.” Ben tries to smile back as best he can, but it’s nervous and it’s not enough to convince Callum. He knows Ben too well. In saying that, he also knows not to push him when he doesn’t want to talk. So instead, he stays tracing circles along his palm and presses himself in as close as he can to Ben’s side. It’s comforting for them both, feeling the physical presence of each other, knowing the other is there for them in every way.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">After a while, a nurse appears at the doorway. She scans the waiting area and calls out Ben’s name. It’s time.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Ben takes a deep breath and turns to face Callum, nerves visibly radiating off him as his hands start to shake.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“Go with me?” he asks quietly, almost like he’s embarrassed to be asking.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">Callum gently tilts Ben’s face so he can read his lips when he answers him, “As long as you hold my hand.” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">A sweet shy smile takes over Ben’s features, Callum’s favourite kind.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2">“Always.” He whispers, pressing a quick kiss to their joined hands before standing up to walk towards the operating room. He knows Callum will be there to hold his hand when he wakes up, no matter the outcome.  </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>find me on tumblr @ halfwayinit <br/>come say hi, let me know what you thought! X</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. kiss me like you wanna be loved</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <strong>
    <span class="s1">prompt: against a wall kiss</span>
  </strong>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">The Vic is packed with partygoers, champagne raised in toasts to the happy couple as music blares from the speakers.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">From his seat, Callum can see Jay and Lola swaying along to an Ed Sheeran song he can’t remember the name of. It’s slow and sweet, the perfect soundtrack for this day. The atmosphere in the Vic is different from every other night, there’s no drunken brawls, no snarkiness from Shirley behind the bar. Instead there’s something different in the air, he’d even stretch as far as being cliché enough to say that maybe it’s love.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Across the bar, he spots his husband laughing along to something Mick is saying, eyes bright and smile wide. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">His <em>husband</em>. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">He can’t believe this is his life. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">If you had told him when he first moved to Walford that he’d end up married to Ben Mitchell, he’d have suggested you get your head checked. But now, he can’t imagine spending the rest of his life with anyone other than Ben.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Ben who makes him tea and toast in the mornings when he can hardly pull himself out of bed, who listens to him talk into the early hours of the morning when there’s too much going on in his head. Ben who loves him unconditionally and who he loves unconditionally right back.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Callum’s lost in thought when he feels someone tug at his hand. He doesn’t know when he missed Ben walking towards him, suit jacket long discarded and hair soft against his forehead. But now he’s right in front of him, looking at Callum with something in his eyes that sends a thrill down his spine. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">He lets Ben pull him away from the crowd, weaving through family and friends who have already had one too many.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">He’s hardly even registered where they’ve stopped, the effects of too much champagne and lager maybe, until he feels his back hit the cool bricks of the wall. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“Really?” he lets out a little giggle, drunk on love and happiness more so than anything else, “sneaking off to the storeroom in the middle of our reception? Very romantic.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Ben just grins up at him, hands pulling at the maroon tie around Callum’s neck, body instinctively pressing up against Callum’s.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“Mhm” Ben hums against Callum’s jaw, pressing sweet little kisses along there as he works his way towards his neck “You know me babe, big romantic.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Callum loops his arms around Ben, hands spreading out over the expanse of his back, inching lower and lower until he’s got Ben pressed even further up against him, the wall being the only thing keeping them upright.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">It’s sweet at first, giggling into each other’s mouths and pressing sloppy kisses anywhere they can reach. Neither of them have ever felt a happiness like this before, the kind that leaves you feeling like you’re floating above the ground. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">Then Callum sucks on that sweet spot on Ben’s neck and all innocence is thrown out the window. Ben lets out a low, throaty moan, and grinds his hips against Callum’s, now hyper-aware of just how many layers of clothing are separating them. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">He pulls at Callum’s tie again, meeting him halfway in a kiss that curls his toes, makes him want more than he ever has before.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“Is it awful of me to suggest we slip off?” Ben asks, breath hot against Callum’s ear.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">It takes Callum a second to get his brain working again, registering what Ben is saying. He runs his fingers through the hairs at the nape of Ben’s neck, waits for Ben’s blue eyes to meet his own.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">“Lead the way, husband.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>find me on tumblr @ halfwayinit<br/>come say hi and let me know what you thought x</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. "nobody's seen you in days."</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>trigger warning for character death and grief. please don't read if this will upset you. x</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>trigger warning for death and grief. </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>please don’t read if this is something that will upset you. take care of yourself x</strong>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <strong>“nobody’s seen you in days.”</strong>
</p><p>He’s passed out on the sofa when banging on the front door startles him awake. Tripping over empty lager bottles and crisp packets, he’s stumbling towards the noise to try and make it <em>stop</em>.</p><p>God, his head is pounding. It feels like every step he takes is only making it worse, muscles tense and aching. For a second, he’s aware that he’s been in the same clothes for days, joggers and sweatshirt in need of a good wash, but he can’t bring himself to care.</p><p>When he pulls the door open, he’s greeted by Lola and Jay. Doubling teaming him, he thinks. Lola looks up at him like she doesn’t know whether to cry or scream in his face.</p><p>“What do you want?” Ben huffs out, moving sluggishly back towards the sofa and dropping himself down onto it. His limbs feel like lead, not surprising seeing as the most exercise he’s gotten lately is the walk to the off-licence and back. Even then, he makes sure to stock up enough for a few days so he doesn’t have to leave the house and run into people who want to pity him and pass on their ‘deepest sympathies’. Half of them couldn’t stand him before.</p><p>Before..</p><p>“Ben, nobody’s seen you in days.” Lola’s voice pulls him back into the present moment, she’s perched herself on the coffee table in front of him with Jay standing behind her silently, arms crossed and eyes searching Ben’s face. For what he’s not sure.</p><p>There’s nothing there anymore, he feels like he died with Callum and his body’s just been left behind. Aching.</p><p>Ben dips his head back so it’s resting against the sofa cushion, eyes slipping closed. Everything is too loud.</p><p>“And?” he croaks out, voice rough from lack of use. “I don’t want to see anyone alright? I don’t even want you here right now, so can you both just leave.” He doesn’t bother opening his eyes, knowing they’re both still rooted in place. He’s sick of seeing pity in people’s eyes. He just wants it to stop.</p><p>“Ben,” Lola tries again, hand coming to rest on top of Ben’s knee. He hasn’t had this for so long, hasn’t felt the warmth of another person’s skin against his. It makes his lip tremble and his eyes fill with tears.</p><p>He misses Callum so <em>fucking</em> much.</p><p>“Callum would want you to start moving on with your life. You know he’d hate to see you like this.” Her voice is soft and comforting, but it makes Ben see red. How does she know what Callum would want? His face starts to feel hot and he can feel his hands starting to shake.</p><p>“You have no idea what Callum would want” he’s on his feet now, throat constricting as he screams at her. “You don’t know anything so just leave.” His eyes are wild, even as tears start to track down his cheeks he doesn’t back down.</p><p>Jay gently pulls at Lola’s arm, tells her that they’ll try again tomorrow, that Ben needs space to calm down.</p><p>“I don’t need to calm down, I need you to leave. Just get out!” Ben can’t stop himself now, he hasn’t felt so much in weeks. It’s like the dam has been broken. The anger and adrenaline coursing hot through his veins are a welcome distraction from the utter numbness that had been consuming him.</p><p>It’s only after he slams the door behind Lola and Jay, that the anger shifts into something worse, something he’s been trying to stop himself from feeling. Ben leans his body against the door, feeling like he can’t keep himself upright anymore. The grief consumes him, takes over his entire being.</p><p>There’s an ache in his chest where his heart feels like it’s been ripped to shreds. It feels like his body just gives up on him, all the fight draining out of him now that he’s alone again. His back slides down the door until he feels the cool floor beneath him.</p><p>He’s screaming, but no sound is coming out. He’s got nothing left in him.</p><p>He’s broken.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>find me on tumblr @ halfwayinit<br/>come say hi and let me know what you thought x</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. "i'm worried about you."</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>“i’m worried about you.”</strong>
</p><p>It’s late when Ben wakes. He knows because they forgot to close the curtains before they fell asleep and the only light in the room is coming from a streetlight outside. It casts an orange glow over the room, just bright enough that Ben can see the other side of the bed is empty.</p><p>He throws out his arm to feel where Callum should be, it’s cold so Ben knows he’s been gone for a while. Panic settles over him, why would the bed be cold? Where is Callum? His mind starts racing, he hates not knowing where Callum is since the kidnapping. It terrifies him, makes his heart race and his hands shake.</p><p>He pulls back the covers and sits himself up on the side of the bed, pushing his glasses onto his face. 4:37AM his phone screen tells him. God, he hasn’t been up this late in a while. Or this early, depending how you see it.</p><p>Ben pulls on his dressing gown, tying it around his waist as he quietly pads down the stairs. They’ve got Lexi staying tonight and he doesn’t want to wake her, it took long enough to get her to wind down after an evening of Disney movies and too much chocolate.</p><p>He almost doesn’t see Callum when he peeks his head around the living room door. He’s curled up in the dark on the sofa, blanket pooled around his waist. He’s not asleep, just resting his head on his hand as he stares out the window.</p><p>Ben’s heart aches for him. It’s not the first time he’s found Callum like this. Usually it’s a bit later though, Ben stirring around seven and finding Callum already awake downstairs. He didn’t realise Callum would be up since this time though, just thought he was still stuck on his usual early routine from the army.</p><p>He clears his throat to let Callum know he’s there, not that he can hear it himself. Callum doesn’t even register it, or at least Ben doesn’t think so. He just stays staring out the window, lost in his thoughts.</p><p>Ben slowly sits himself down beside him, hand coming to rest on his boyfriend’s blanket-covered knee. Callum turns to look at him, sleepily smiling at the sight of Ben in his glasses. He wears them a lot more lately, ever since Callum told him they bring out the kindness in his eyes. Kindness that Ben didn’t believe existed at first, but Callum showed him that it’s there.</p><p>“You okay?” Callum asks, head turned so Ben can read his lips better in the dark. Ben nods, moves his hand up to to the back of Callum’s neck, running his fingers through the short hairs there. “I’m good” Ben whispers, “just woke up without you beside me. Thought you’d done a runner or summat.” He’s trying to lighten the mood a little, knows that if he gets too deep too quick Callum will clam up and try to brush it off.</p><p>Callum huffs out a laugh, “You couldn’t get rid of me that easily, Mitchell” he jokes, pressing a quick kiss to Ben’s lips. Ben laughs with him, but he can practically see how hard Callum is thinking, mind going a mile a minute.</p><p>They sit in silence for a while, Ben ending up tucked under Callum’s arm, pressed up against his side. He’s got his hand resting on Callum’s chest, feeling the thump of his heart beneath his fingertips. It comforts him, to know that Callum really is here with him. He never wants to lose him again, doesn’t think he’d survive it.</p><p>“Hey” Ben sits up then, wants Callum to know this is serious, that they need to talk about it. “I’m worried about you.”</p><p>He can see how uncomfortable this makes Callum, how he shifts in his seat, eyes looking everywhere except back at Ben. “You don’t need to worry about me, Ben. I’m fine. Or, I’ll be fine.”</p><p>Ben eyes follow his lips, wanting to make sure he understands everything Callum says. There’s no room for misunderstanding here. “Cal, you know you can talk to me, babe. Or if you don’t want to talk to me then maybe to a professional. You’re not okay after everything that’s happened to you.”</p><p>Callum’s blinking back tears now, knows there’s no way Ben will back down. He hates this feeling, like he’s drowning in his own thoughts. Growing up, he was taught that feeling this way was a weakness. That a man should just be able to carry on with things, no matter what has happened to them. But now, he’s starting to understand that that voice in his head is wrong.</p><p>His lip is quivering as he looks back at Ben, nodding slowly. “I know” he chokes out, tears now starting to make their way down his cheeks. He wipes them away the sleeve of his hoodie, tries to compose himself. “I’ll talk to someone I promise. I just, I was trying to deal with it myself. Didn’t wanna worry anyone, but I’ve obviously failed at that.” He looks frustrated at himself now, like he’s angry for making Ben worry about him.</p><p>Ben reaches out, thumbs away the tears on Callum’s cheek. “I want to be there for you like you’ve been for me Callum. You could never be a failure in my eyes.”</p><p>He gets a watery smile from that, another kiss, this time to his cheek. Callum gently turns Ben’s hand over, palm up and traces out eight letters.</p><p>i l o v e y o u</p><p>It makes Ben’s heart swell in his chest. No matter how many times Callum tells him, Ben will never take it for granted. To love and to be loved by Callum is indescribable.</p><p>Ben kisses him properly then, slow and sweet. When he pulls back, he leans up to whisper in Callum’s ear, breath hot against his skin “I love you too. We can get through anything, me and you.”</p><p>Ben and Callum.</p><p>Callum and Ben.</p><p>Together, they’ll be just fine.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. all i want is the taste that your lips allow</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>in secret kiss</strong>
</p><p>They haven’t seen in each other properly in days, Ben busy with the car lot and Callum wrapped up in wedding planning with Whitney. It’s just been stolen looks across the bar in the Vic or a small smile as the pass in the market. It’s not enough. Nothing ever is.</p><p>That’s how they’ve ended up here now, standing across from one another in the car lot, door locked and bolted behind Callum. “Oh?” Ben can’t help but tease, loves the flush that makes its way across Callum’s cheeks when he does, “worried someone’s gonna interrupt?”</p><p>Callum shakes his head at that, but the smile playing on his lips tells Ben everything he needs to know. He sits himself on the edge of the desk, legs spread out like an invitation he knows Callum wants to accept.</p><p>“Why’re you here Callum?” Ben asks, voice low as the question hangs in the air between them.</p><p>He waits for Callum to answer, roaming his eyes across his face. He looks good today, fresh shaven and his hair isn’t as slicked back as it usually is. Ben likes it. He likes it a lot. God, he wants him so badly. But it has to be Callum to make the first move, Ben can wait.</p><p>“You know why.” Callum finally meets his eyes, lust and want clear as day. He slowly starts to move towards Ben, suit jacket pulling across his shoulders. When he gets close, Ben spreads his legs open further so Callum can stand between them.  The difference in height is clear in this position, it makes Ben want him even more.</p><p>He fists the lapels of Callum’s jacket, pulls him down until his lips are almost touching his ear. “Do I?” Ben whispers, “I think you need to tell me..or show me.” He feels Callum shiver at that, hands coming up to rest against Ben’s waist. Ben leans back then and they’re face to face, close enough that he can feel Callum’s warm breath against his lips.</p><p>He isn’t expecting it when Callum surges in, the force tips him back a little before his brain catches up and he’s kissing him back like his life depends on it. It’s rough and wet, nothing like the kisses they’ve shared before now. It makes Ben’s toes curl with want. He pulls Callum down even further til they’re practically lying back on his desk. He can feel something digging into his back but it doesn’t take his attention away from the way Callum is pushing down against him, quiet moans slipping out between kisses.</p><p>Ben will deny it if it’s ever brought up, but he practically melts as Callum’s tongue licks into his mouth. He’s just pushing the suit jacket off Callum’s shoulders when there’s a sharp knock at the door. If it was any one else, Ben would laugh at how quickly Callum jumps back, nearly tripping over his own feet. His lips are wet and red, the faint red of stubble burn around his mouth. To Ben, he looks beautiful.</p><p>“We’re closed for lunch.” Ben shouts, not caring who it is at the door. It could be Richard Hammond for all he cares and he’d still send him away for another few moments with Callum. But even as they hear the noise of whoever it is walking away, Ben knows the moment is gone.</p><p>Callum’s cheeks are flushed red, and he’s pulling at his tie in an attempt to make himself look less like he’d just been snogging the local bad boy in the car lot while he’s supposed to be at work.</p><p>“I, um, I should be getting back to work..” Callum trails off, firing a shy smile Ben’s direction. He’s backing up towards the door, making it clear this isn’t going any further today.</p><p>Ben just smiles back and gives him a quick nod, he knows Callum will be back sooner rather than later. They’re both in deeper than they thought now. “Yeah, see you around.”</p><p>When the door clicks behind Callum, Ben takes a moment to press his fingers against his lips, can almost feel the ghost of Callum’s own against them. Yeah, he thinks, he’s definitely a goner.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. "just get home as soon as possible, okay?!"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>“just get home as soon as possible, okay?!”</strong>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>The drive home is a complete blur. Callum’s sure he’s broken every speed limit in London by the time he reaches Walford. His heart is about to beat out of his chest, anxiety in the pit of a stomach leaving him feeling physically sick.</p><p>His phone call with Ben is on a constant loop in his mind, the panic in Ben’s voice echoing in his ears. “Callum” Ben had breathed out a sigh of relief when Callum finally picked up the phone, “You need to come home I- I don’t know what to do.  Jamie won’t stop crying and he’s got a temperature and I don’t know whether to bring him to hospital or if I’m over reacting or-“ Ben hadn’t even finished his sentence before Callum was throwing his clothes into a bag and making a beeline for his car.</p><p>He was on an overnight business trip in the city centre, deciding to stay in a hotel rather than face into rush-hour traffic two days in a row. He’d just come up to his room for the evening, hadn’t even got as far as taking his suit jacket off before Ben rang.</p><p>“Ben, babe just slow down alright? I’m sure he’s fine but I’m coming home anyway. Ring your mum until I get there.” Callum tries to keep his voice as calm as possible, doesn’t want to freak Ben out more than he already is. It’s his husband’s first night alone with the baby since they’d brought him home from the hospital all those months ago. Ben was a helicopter parent at the best of times when it came to Jamie, and he just seemed to get even more worried when Callum wasn’t there.</p><p>“Just get home as soon as possible, okay?!” those words are stuck in Callum’s mind, he can just imagine Ben now pacing the living room with a crying eight month old in his arms, Lexi trailing behind trying to comfort her worried dad.</p><p>He practically sprints to the front door, fumbling with the keys before he finally gets them into the lock. He takes a second in the hallway to compose himself, knows it’ll just make the situation worse if he runs in like a headless chicken. “Hey hey hey, I’m here it’s okay” he calls out softly as he makes his way over to Ben, Jamie whimpering in his arms. His little face is blotchy and red from crying, brown curls stuck to his forehead from sweat. He reaches out to take the baby from his husband, taking in how scared Ben looks. His eyes are blown wide and he looks like he doesn’t know whether he’s coming or going. Callum shifts Jamie in his arms, lets him curl into his chest and reaches out with his free arm to pull Ben into his side. He drops a kiss down onto Ben’s head, trying his best to calm him.</p><p>“Hey, it’s going to be alright, okay? He’ll be fine.” Callum feels Ben exhale shakily on his neck as he rubs his hands up and down his arms to try and soothe him.</p><p>“Mum took Lex to stay with her for the night” Ben croaks out “She said Jamie just needs lots of fluids and to keep an eye on him during the night to make sure he doesn’t get worse.”</p><p>Later that night, they’re standing in the doorway of Jamie’s nursery, Callum wrapped around Ben’s back and his hands linked at Ben’s stomach. They’ve been standing like this for a few minutes since Jamie dropped off, just taking him in and, in a way, seeking comfort off each other. They’re still new to the whole being-parents-to-a-baby thing so moments like these knock the wind out of them sometimes.</p><p>Ben turns in Callum’s arms and loops his arms around his husband’s neck. “I’m sorry if I scared you” Ben murmurs, pressing a chaste kiss to Callum’s lips, “I just freaked out when he wouldn’t stop crying and he was so hot..even Lex thought it was all a bit dramatic.”</p><p>Callum quietly huffs out a laugh at that, if anyone knows dramatics it’s their Lexi.</p><p>“Don’t be sorry. I mean yeah, it worried me when you were so freaked out on the phone, but I always want to be here. We do this as a team.” He’s smiling down at Ben, face so open and sincere, and Ben knows it’s the truth.</p><p>As far as teams go, he thinks they’re doing pretty good.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. "are you flirting with me?" "you finally noticed."</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>“are you flirting with me?” </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“you finally noticed”</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>If you asked Ben to pinpoint when he first realized he liked Callum as more than a friend, he honestly couldn’t tell you.</p><p>It started out as an innocent co-worker relationship, Ben only ever seeing Callum on the weekends at work, taking time between pulling pints and changing barrels to make small talk about their uni courses and divulge little facts about themselves.</p><p>Until, it wasn’t just a co-worker relationship anymore. Pretty soon after Callum’s first shift they were making plans to meet up for a kick about or persuading their manager to give them the same shift off so they could watch the footie together over a few pints.</p><p>Usually Ben liked to keep his work life at work, but he had never met someone like Callum before. Someone who made him laugh every time he was around him and didn’t even have to try, who gave as good as he got any time Ben poked fun at him, someone who made him genuinely excited about life. Callum did that for him.</p><p>Callum Highway with his lanky limbs and his godawful bowl haircut that Ben had to practically force him to change. Ben doesn’t know when his feelings changed from ‘I want to be his friend’ to ‘I can’t be around him without wanting to snog his face off’, but here he is.</p><p>The only thing stopping Ben from straight up asking Callum on a date is the fact that he has no idea whether Callum is into men. (That, and also because if he asked and Callum said no, he’d be so embarrassed he’d have to quit his job and never show his face around campus again. Not that he’s dramatic or anything.) He’s tried to bring it up before, casually dropping it into conversation that he had a date with a bloke, or asking Callum if he’s seeing anyone, but Callum just smiles or shrugs, says that he’s too busy with uni, hasn’t got time to think about a relationship. It isn’t lost on Ben that he doesn’t say the word ‘girlfriend’. But he doesn’t push, doesn’t want to risk losing Callum as a mate.</p><p>So, Ben flirts a little, and then he flirts a lot. Or at least he thinks he does, because he never seems to get any kind of reaction from Callum. He starts out subtle, testing the waters, but lately he’s been a bit more forward and still, nothing. Nada. Zilch reactions from him.</p><p>He’s not sure if Callum is just completely clueless to Ben’s interest in him, or he’s pretending so Ben will give up. Ben hopes it the first one because he’s in too deep in his feelings now. He hasn’t felt this sort of attraction to someone in so long, feels like a little schoolgirl with a crush because he just wants to be around Callum all the time. He wants to be the one to make that grin spread across his face, to have him doubled over with laughter. He wants <em>Callum</em>.</p><p>After an absolutely mental exam season, they’ve both managed to fob off work for the night in favour of a few pints in the student bar. Ben would deny it if anyone asked but he’s made an effort tonight, even went as far as borrowing a t-shirt off Jay. Might have even used his best cologne, who knows.</p><p>It feels like a date, the two of them having a drink in the corner of the bar, far enough away from the screen showing the match that they can actually hear each other speak over the cries of “Ref!” and annoyed fans complaining about fouls. Callum’s sat across from him, wearing one of his silly jumpers with a little embroidered alien on the chest, hair free from gel for once. He looks happy, eyes crinkling at the corners as he laughs at some comment Ben’s made about one of the players. “You really think he’s got the nicest arse of the whole squad?” Callum laughs, leaning back into his seat and eyes meeting Ben’s. Ben can’t help himself with his reply.</p><p>“Well I mean I’ve seen better” he winks at Callum and reaches for his pint, not expecting much of a reaction as always.</p><p>There’s a beat of silence, Callum looking at him like he’s trying to figure out something. “Are you flirting with me, Ben Mitchell?” he’s got a cheeky grin on his face and Ben has never wanted to kiss him as bad as he does in that moment.</p><p>He sets down his pint and fires a smirk in Callum’s direction even though nerves are starting to settle in stomach, “Only for the last three months mate, you finally noticed.” It feels good in a way, to know that Callum knows he wants him. To think that maybe Callum wants him back.</p><p>Callum says nothing for a few moments, instead just finishes off his drink and pushes the empty glass into the middle of the table.</p><p>“Well then, looks like you’ve got to try a bit harder. I’ll have another if you’re offering. Or..” his eyes map over Ben’s face, tongue slipping out to wet his lips, “we could get out of here once you finish that? If you want?”</p><p>Ben’s never finished a pint as fast in his life.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. "oh! you're jealous"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>“oh! you’re jealous.”</strong>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Ben’s not a jealous type. He’s honestly not. But what he <em>is</em>, is a ‘don’t flirt with my boyfriend right in front of my face unless you’re looking to get decked’ type.</p><p>Which is why he’s sat now in the corner of the Albert, glaring daggers into the back of some smarmy bloke who’s trying his best to flirt with Callum.</p><p>In a way, Ben can’t blame him. Callum looks good tonight, sinfully good, black jeans hugging his figure and white t-shirt fitting him just right across his broad shoulders. It was a miracle they’d made it out at all, Ben was content to stay home and wrap himself up in Callum for the night, but then he was reminded that they’d promised Jay and Lola a double date weeks ago and they couldn’t back out. Or, Callum wouldn’t back out on them and so here they are.</p><p>“Looks like Callum’s got a fan” Jay nudges him in the side, laughing into his pint when Ben shoots him a look that says ‘don’t even start’. Jay knows what Ben’s like, he’s surprised he hasn’t made his way up to the bar and told the blonde Jesse McCartney wannabe to move along.</p><p>And Callum, bless him, he doesn’t even look like he’s aware that this man wants in his pants. He’s just smiling and nodding, waiting patiently for Tina to get back with his drinks. He’s too pure for his own good sometimes, Ben thinks. But that’s why he loves him. He’s probably seeing this bloke as just trying to make some friendly chit-chat while they wait together at the bar. That’s Callum, always wanting to see the best in people.</p><p>But Ben knows the game, he’s been there too many times himself to not know how this goes. He feels heat flame up in his cheeks as he watches the stranger laugh at something Callum’s said, sees him press against Callum’s arm and think he’s in with a chance.</p><p>Finally, Tina comes back with the drinks and Callum’s leaving the stranger behind at the bar. Ben doesn’t miss how his eyes follow Callum the entire walk back to the table. He wants to punch him square in his face.</p><p>“You alright?” Callum asks, setting down their drinks on the table and pushing Ben’s beer bottle towards him “You look a bit red.” He drops himself down into his seat and moves it closer to Ben. It sends a thrill up Ben’s spine, Callum wanting to be as close to him as possible.</p><p>Lola tries to stop herself from laughing at whole situation but she can’t help the little giggle that escapes her, “Ben was just enjoying watching you being completely clueless that you were being hit on.” Amusement and shock take over Callum’s face, his eyebrows furrowing together like he’s trying to work out if she’s serious or not.</p><p>After a beat of silence, Callum turns to grin at Ben, clearly more amused than anything else at the whole thing. “Oh! You’re jealous”, he’s smirking now, and he pokes at Ben’s side to try and pull a smile from his boyfriend.</p><p>Ben raises his eyebrows at Callum, grabs for his drink and takes a sip before he answers “Please, we all know Callum wouldn’t settle for cider when he’s got champagne waiting for him at home.” He sounds so put out that it sends Lola and Jay into fits of laughter, leaning against each other to stay upright.</p><p>Callum leans over to press a sweet kiss to his boyfriend’s flushed cheeks. “I’d choose champagne any day over anything else.” He reaches out then to gently turn Ben’s chin so they’re face to face, blue eyes shining in the dim club lighting, “I’d choose you every time.”</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. "can you shut up for once in your life?"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>“Can you shut up for once in your life?”</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Callum had the entire thing planned out to a tee.</p><p>He’d spent weeks agonising over how he was going to ask, didn’t dare ask Lola or Jay for advice in case something slipped out in front of Ben. And now that he’s found the perfect ring, he doesn’t want to wait any longer. It’s just a plain silver band, an engraving on the inside band of their initials. Simple, but beautiful. Perfect for Ben.</p><p>Asking Ben to marry him, it just feels <em>so</em> right to Callum, like this is their time. Their time to be happy and content, to be happy in love. After such a rocky start to their relationship, Callum feels like they deserve this happiness, wants it to last forever.</p><p>It had hit him one rainy Sunday afternoon, Ben’s head in his lap as they lazed on the couch with some old Western movie on the telly. The thought of spending a lifetime of lazy Sundays with Ben, it made his stomach fill with butterflies and he just <em>knew</em>. A forever with Ben was a heaven Callum once convinced himself he could never have, and now that he knows he can, it makes him want to hold on tight with both hands and never let go.</p><p>Which is why he’s so frustrated when Ben ruins his entire proposal without even realising.</p><p>He’s come home mouthing off about something Jay said, hardly noticing the candles Callum’s dotted around the living room or the fact that Callum’s dressed up in a shirt and blazer on a Friday night when they have no plans. Honestly, Callum’s sure he could have ‘Will you marry me?’ written on his forehead and Ben still wouldn’t see it.</p><p>He comes back from the fridge carrying two beers, passes one to Callum before he drops himself down onto the sofa. “And then, he tried to make out like <em>I</em> was the one being mardy, honestly I wanted to-“ Ben’s still talking when Callum cuts through him, can’t hold it in any longer.</p><p>“Can you shut up for once in your life?” It doesn’t come out harsh at all, Callum finding humour in the whole situation. Only Ben could manage to mess up his proposal, to be fair it wouldn’t be <em>them </em>if everything went to plan. But, that’s why he loves him. If Callum was one for clichés he’d say that yeah, they’re not perfect, but they’re perfect for each other and that’s enough.</p><p>Callum shakes his head, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth as he reaches into his blazer pocket for the small black box. Ben’s staring at him, cheeks pink and a confused expression taking over his face as his brows knot together. His eyes widen when Callum drops to his knee in front of him, eyes bright and shining with so much love that it makes Ben’s own fill with tears.</p><p>“Ben Mitchell, I have been planning this proposal for weeks, and if I don’t ask you this question right now I am going to burst. So, for once in your life will you shut up and listen.” He’s smiling as he talks, hand reaching out to grab for Ben’s own, linking their fingers together.</p><p>“I love you like I’ve never loved anyone before, and I want to spend the rest of our lives showing you just how much. I never imagined a love like this could ever be a possibility for me, but you showed me that is. You mean everything to me, Ben. I can’t imagine a life where I don’t wake up to you every day, and I don’t want to.” Callum’s voice starts to shake towards the end, nerves settling in now that he’s actually asking the question. He squeezes Ben’s hand, meets his ocean eyes as the words tumble out of his mouth, no longer able to hold it in.  “Will you marry me?”</p><p>There’s a beat of silence, Ben seemingly lost for words as he takes in what Callum has just said.</p><p>Callum isn’t expecting Ben to lunge at him, knocking him flat on his back, the familiar weight of Ben on top of him. Ben kisses him like he’s dying and Callum is the air he needs to breathe. It’s so ridiculous, so <em>them</em> that it makes fireworks light up inside him.</p><p>When they eventually part, Ben’s looking down at Callum like he hung not only the moon, but every star in the sky too. It’s a look he’s seen so many times throughout their relationship, but now it’s so intense that it makes Callum ache to touch Ben, and so he reaches out, glides his thumb across Ben’s cheek.</p><p>“Should I take that as a yes?” he whispers, not wanting to burst this little bubble they’ve found themselves in.</p><p>Ben smiles down at him, so bright it could light up the whole of Walford.</p><p>It’s a yes.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. "forget it, you're a fucking asshole"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>“Forget it, you’re a fucking asshole.”</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>The sound of the door slamming behind Stuart echoes throughout the flat.</p><p>Ben can practically <em>see</em> Callum’s emotions shift from shock, to disbelief, and then to a mixture of hurt and anger. It’s clear as day in the way his cheeks flush pink and his shoulders tense up as he shakes his head at his boyfriend.</p><p>“Really, Ben? He was trying to make an effort with you.” Callum snaps, voice loud and hands flying around in frustration as he shoots a glare in Ben’s direction.</p><p>Oh shit, Ben thinks. Callum hasn’t been this annoyed with him in a while.</p><p>Yet, even knowing that Callum’s not happy with him, he can’t help but jump on the defence. It’s rooted deep within him, a part of himself that he can’t help but cling to when he’s not sure what else to do or how else to react.</p><p>So, he scoffs and leans back into the sofa cushions, wishes he had a beer right now because God could he do with one. “You call that making an effort? Didn’t seem like one from where I’m sitting.” Ben’s tone is sarcastic, pushing for a reaction. If Callum wants a fight, then Ben can’t help himself from giving it to him.</p><p>Callum doesn’t say anything, just stares him down with a look in his eyes that says ‘you’re on thin fucking ice’.</p><p>Ben sighs and presses his palms to his eyes, wishing they weren’t having this conversation again. It’s getting old fast, every time him and Stuart are in the same room it ends like this. Ben knows it gets under Callum’s skin when him and Stuart clash, but his boyfriend’s brother just rubs him up the wrong way, always has and probably always will. And Ben knows the feeling is very much mutual on Stuart’s end too.</p><p>“Look, I admit I shouldn’t have said that yeah, but he doesn’t exactly come across as a Care Bear to me either. You just have to face facts babe, we’re never going to be-“ He’s cut off when Callum pushes himself to his feet, takes a few steps before turning to face Ben.</p><p>“That’s not the point Ben! You think if your dad came around that I’d treat him the way you treat Stuart?” Callum’s shouting now, face turning redder with annoyance. He’s never gotten this upset about it before, usually it’s just a roll of his eyes and a sharp comment that Ben needs to be nicer to Stuart. But he can’t take it anymore, he hates the tension in the air when they’re all in the same room. It’s almost suffocating, makes him feel like he has to choose a side. </p><p>“No, you know I wouldn’t.” Callum continues, “Because even though I can’t stand him, I put up with him for <em>you</em>! Because your relationship with him means a lot to you. So why can’t you do the same for me with Stuart?” His voice drops a few decibels towards the end, the fight draining from him a bit. He’s so tired of having the same conversation with Ben over and over again. Stuart is the only family he has, and all he asks of Ben is to be civil towards him, but he can’t even do that.</p><p>There’s a stunned silence around them, Ben taken aback at Callum’s words. Callum seems to take the silence as some sort of answer, and he stalks over towards the door, pulling on his jacket as he goes.</p><p>“Forget it, you’re a fucking asshole.”</p><p>His words sting as they cut through Ben, but he doesn’t have a chance to react before Callum’s slamming the door behind him and leaving him alone in the flat.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. "am i your lockscreen?" "you weren't supposed to see that."</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>“Am I your lockscreen?” “You weren’t supposed to see that.”</strong>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Callum is going to kill Ben.</p><p>Really, he is going to murder him. And he won’t even feel that bad about it.</p><p>Not only does Ben set multiple alarms to start going off from 7am every morning, but he also sleeps through every single one of them. This morning is no different, the shrill tone of his alarm blaring from his phone on the nightstand. Ben’s still sound asleep beside Callum, mouth slightly open as faint snores interrupt the beep of the alarm. Callum would almost believe he was dreaming the noise, if it didn’t feel like a drill against his skull.</p><p>“Ben” Callum huffs out sleepily, voice rough and raspy from lack of use during the night, “Turn off your alarm. Ben. Ben!” He throws out his arm, attempts to gently slap at Ben’s cheeks to get him to wake. He misses at first, hand landing in Ben’s soft, sleep mussed hair. Even his gentle slaps against Ben’s cheeks can’t wake him.</p><p>“Ben I swear if I have to open my eyes to turn off <em>your </em>alarm again-“</p><p>Ben pushes Callum’s arm off him and blindly reaches out for his phone “Alright, alright, it’s off.” He silences the alarm and throws his phone into the duvet between them, turning to move himself into Callum’s side.</p><p>He curls his arm around Callum, presses a soft kiss to the exposed skin of his shoulder. “You’re such a grump in the morning.” His voice is soft and teasing, they both know Callum is the morning person out of the two of them.</p><p>They lay tangled up in each other for a few minutes, enjoying the closeness in a peaceful silence. Callum thinks it might be his favourite part of his day, having Ben pressed up against his side, both of them dozing off for an extra five minutes before the square wakes up. There’s something so intimate about it, being able to lay in silence next to another person and have it feel like the most natural thing in the world.</p><p>Callum groans when another alarm goes off, reaches for Ben’s phone to turn them all off. He’s wide awake now, thinks about getting up and cooking them up some breakfast before work. It’s only when he swipes away the alarm that something catches his eye and stops him from moving from the bed.</p><p>It’s a picture of him, smiling widely at the camera and proudly holding up a stuffed penguin he’d managed to win them at the Walford fair a few weeks ago. The memory of the day brings a sweet smile to Callum’s face. He’d been so determined to win once Ben mentioned that Lexi would love it, wouldn’t give up until he had the penguin in his hands.</p><p>“Am I your lockscreen?” Callum’s asks, voice just above a whisper in the silence of their bedroom. When Ben opens his eyes, Callum holds up the phone in front of him so the lockscreen is illuminated.</p><p>Ben ducks his head, cuddles further into Callum’s side. “You weren’t supposed to see that.”</p><p>He’s almost shy about it, like he’s been caught out. Callum sets down the phone, shuffles down a bit further in the bed until they’re face to face. He leans over and presses a chaste kiss to Ben’s lips. “I like it. You’re mine too you know?” he reaches out for his own phone, presses the home button to light up a picture of Ben from their last date, mid laugh over one of his own jokes.</p><p>A smile tugs at the corner of Ben’s lips, his flushed cheeks giving away that he loves it just as much as Callum.</p><p>“Look at us, we’ve gone soft.” Ben links their fingers and moves them up to press a featherlight kiss to them. It makes something flutter in Callum’s chest, it feels a lot like love, a lot like home.</p><p>He moves until they’re just inches apart, lips almost touching, barely a breath between them.</p><p>“That’s alright with me.” Callum whispers, leaning in for a kiss that makes Ben think maybe going soft is the best thing that’s ever happened to him.</p><p>Or maybe it’s just Callum.</p><p>Either way, he can’t think of anywhere else he’d rather be.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. "have you always been this beautiful?"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p></p><div class="">
  <p>
    <strong>“Have you always been this beautiful?”</strong>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Callum’s always known that Ben is attractive, he’s not stupid and he has eyes. From that first handshake across the bar of the Vic, he could appreciate that Ben was a good looking man. Well built, confidence radiating off him, and those <em>eyes</em>. Blue enough that Callum could drift away in them, could drown in them and die a happy man.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>But beautiful? It’s not a word he’d ever considered when it came to men. Women were beautiful, they were beautiful and sexy and everything he should want, or at least that’s what he’d been brought up to believe.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Men? Men were not something he let himself consider when it came to the word. They were clouded in a haze of something he can’t quite put his finger on, every fibre of his being trying to force himself to see them in a way that he was taught was normal.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Not as beautiful creatures. Just as something that was there. Existing alongside him.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>But now, watching Ben spread out beneath him on the sheets, coming down from a wave of ecstasy, Callum can’t think of a word more fitting.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Ben is <em>beautiful</em>.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He’s breathtaking and he’s Callum’s. It almost knocks the wind from Callum, this sudden realisation that this is real, he gets to wake up every day and live out his life the way he never let himself think he could. And he gets to do it all with this beautiful man, Ben who was adamant he’d never love again after such excruciating loss, he let Callum knock down every wall he had built up, brick by brick until their two hearts aligned.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Not perfect, but almost.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Callum reaches out his hand, runs his fingers through the hair at the front of his head, lets them drop to the side of his head, grips lightly, like he’s holding something precious in his hands.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Have you always been this beautiful?” the words come out in a whisper, falling into the space between them, just loud enough that Ben catch them. He turns his head further into Callum’s hand, feels those unmistakable butterflies in his stomach that appear any time Callum compliments him. An embarrassed flush spreads across his cheeks, reddening even further than they already were. “Shut up.” It’s soft and a little breathless, like he doesn’t believe it.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Ben would never admit it, but he loves it. As much as he gives it the big man to everyone around him, he’s only human. He has insecurities, things he doesn’t like about himself, things he downright hates about himself. And it’s like Callum can tell without a word, words of admiration falling from his lips just when Ben needs them most.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I mean it, Ben” Callum lets himself fall into the space beside Ben, tugging the duvet up along with him, a shield against the cool night air. He moves around until they’re laying facing each other, legs tangling with Ben’s the way they always do, the closeness warming him from the inside out.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I should tell you more often, how beautiful you are.” Callum’s gripping Ben’s hand now, rubbing circles into his palm, soothing Ben in a way that only Callum can.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Ben’s not quite sure how to respond, the intensity of the way Callum is looking at him stealing any words his brain can come up with. So, he leans forward and captures Callum’s lips in a kiss, trying desperately to say what he wants without words.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>Thank you.</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>I love you.</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>You are so beautiful.</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>More than you know.</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>I adore you.</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He’s not sure he’ll ever fully feel worthy of this love, this all-consuming, selfless, unconditional devotion that Callum shows him. It leaves his heart heavy and light at the same time, makes him want so badly to give it right back, to show Callum that it’s all freely reciprocated, so much so that it overwhelms him with how much he loves him.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>When Callum kisses him back, catching Ben’s bottom lip between his and leaning in even closer until they’re practically the one being, Ben knows that Callum feels it too.</p>
</div>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. “sorry i called you a fucking asshole”</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this is a continuation of chapter twelve “forget it, you’re a fucking asshole”<br/>to the anon who requested a part two, i’m sorry it took me so long!</p><p>also if you haven’t read chapter twelve you probably should before you read this part (or don’t, i’m not the boss of you)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>Callum’s been gone for hours at this point, and Ben’s getting restless.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s never seen Callum so upset about this before, never had him walk out like that. Ben knows it must have been building up for a while because Callum doesn’t leave. He stays, he always stays. They scream and they shout at each other, and then they sit in dead silence when they can’t reach a ceasefire, but they don’t leave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s tried to ring him a few times since he left, but every time he gets the same </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Hi it’s Callum. If you leave a message, I’ll get back to you. Thanks!</span>
  </em>
  <span>’. He regrets not following Callum out the door, wishes he’d</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s why Ben’s nails have been bitten down to practically nothing, the skin around them red and irritated, hurting every time he lifts them to his mouth to bite, trying to take his mind off the sick feeling in his stomach. How does he fix this? God, he wants to punch Stuart in the fucking face for making it so difficult to get along with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Callum’s words from earlier are still ringing in his ears, </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘I put up with him for you! Why can’t you do the same for me?</span>
  </em>
  <span>’, shame tingling at Ben’s spine. Everything Callum said was true. He makes an effort with Phil, whenever Ben’s father bothers to be present in his life. He makes polite small talk over dinner or a pint in the Vic, grits out a smile and he tries to get along with Phil. He tries for Ben’s sake because he loves him, and he knows that having a relationship with Phil is something that will always be important to Ben, regardless of the things that have been said and done in the past.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben can’t stand the silence of the flat anymore, deciding that if Callum isn’t going to come home any time soon then Ben will just have to go find him. He’s pulling on his jacket when he hears the door shut behind him, turning so fast he’s surprised he doesn’t give himself whiplash.</span>
</p><p><span>Callum looks tired, shoulders slumped like he’s weighed down by the world. They just stand there for a few moments, mere metres apart, eyes locked across the short distance between them. When Callum opens his mouth to speak, Ben tentatively holds up his hand to stop him. “Wait, just, before you say anything. You have every right to be upset me, Callum. You’re right, I don’t make as much of an effort with Stuart as you do with my dad, and I should. I should</span> <span>because it’s important to you, and you’re important to me.” Ben takes a few steps forward, stopping short just before Callum, eyes never leaving his boyfriend’s face. “You’re so fucking important to me, and I want you to be happy. So, if that means that I need start biting my tongue around Stuart, then I will. Now I ain’t saying we’re gonna be ‘besties’ or whatever but no more shouting matches, I promise.”</span></p><p>
  <span>Ben exhales deeply through his nose when he finishes speaking, wanting so badly to reach out and pull Callum closer to him. But, it’s up to Callum to decide whether he accepts the olive branch that Ben is thrusting in his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The beginnings of a smile tug at the corners of Callum’s mouth, he’s blinking down at his boyfriend like he’s trying to figure out if he just imagined the words that have come out of his mouth. It’s not like Ben to apologise or admit that he’s in the wrong, and especially not when it comes to Stuart. He reaches out for Ben, links his arms around his waist and pulls him closer, closing the cold distance between them. Despite what some might think, Callum’s not stupid, and he’s certainly not naïve. He isn’t expecting to walk into the Vic any time in the future and find Ben and Stuart laughing over a pint, but Ben’s willingness to try, to understand why it’s important to Callum, it’s a step in the right direction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben’s looking up at him, eyes scanning Callum’s face as he waits for a reply. Callum leans down, brushes his nose against Ben’s and lets their lips brush lightly as his hands splay out across the small of Ben’s back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry I called you a fucking asshole” Callum whispers, pressing a soft kiss to Ben’s lips, not missing how Ben chases his lips once he pulls away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben huffs out a quiet laugh, tongue swiping across his bottom lip, “I’ve been called a lot worse, babe.” He grabs the lapels of Callum’s jacket then to pull him back down into a kiss, willing to show his boyfriend just how sweet he can be.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. “give me attention”</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>“Give me attention.”</b>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The pile of paperwork fans out across the kitchen table, coffee cups piled up in the centre. It’s starting to give Callum a headache, a dull ache forming behind his eyes as the words start to blur together. He’s been sat at the table all afternoon, regretting every life choice that led to him leaving all his paperwork until the weekend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In what world did he think spending a Saturday at the kitchen table drowning in paperwork was in any way manageable? He wants to travel back to past-Callum and punch him in his procrastinating face. Paperwork is easily his least-favourite part of his job, Callum much preferring the actual interaction with people, feeling like his work is making a difference to someone’s life leaving his heart full with pride. Most people were shocked when he decided to ditch the police route for a career in social work, but Callum can’t imagine himself doing anything else. He feels like he’s finally at a place in life where he’s happy with his romantic, professional, and personal life all at once and it feels good. More than good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With the end of the paperwork mountain finally in sight, Callum decides another hour and one more coffee will be enough for the day. He’s just clicking on the kettle when he hears Ben come through the door, voice light and sarcastic as he sings out an off-pitch “Honey, I’m home!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It makes Callum laugh as he turns to lean against the counter, arms crossing as he takes in the sight of Ben in front of him. He’s been gone all day, up and out the door before Callum had properly woken, meetings running back to back all day. Ben’s pulling off his tie as he makes his way towards Callum, smiling at the way his boyfriend’s arms wind around his waist when he comes to a stop in front of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm” Ben sighs, head tilting upwards as he catches Callum’s lips in a sweet kiss, “I missed you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It makes butterflies erupt in Callum’s stomach, even after all this time, Ben still has that same effect on him. He never wants it to fade, never wants to feel anything less than pure, unfiltered joy any time his boyfriend shows him that softer side that Callum knows is reserved for his eyes and his eyes only.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I missed you too, so much.” Callum’s thumbs rubbing circles against Ben’s lower back as he presses a kiss to his boyfriend’s hair. “Hate not waking up to your face.” he mumbles out, words almost getting lost in Ben’s dark locks. It makes a coy smile spread across Ben’s face, and he leans in until his lips are almost brushing Callum’s ear, breath hot against the skin. “Why don’t you show me how much?” his voice is low and rumbling, sending a spike of heat through Callum’s body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He groans as he catches sight of the paperwork on the table, knows that he’ll never finish it if they retire to bed for the rest of the day. It takes every ounce of willpower he has to deny Ben, his mind betraying the ache in his body to be close to Ben, to say fuck the consequences and drag him to the bedroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, babe. I’ve got to finish this work first. I’m all yours after though, I swear.” Callum has to stop himself from laughing at the put out look on Ben’s face, not quite able to believe that Callum is turning down a shag in favour of work. Callum presses a quick kiss to Ben’s cheek and then turns to click on the kettle again, wanting to get through this as quick as possible so he can have Ben to himself for the rest of the weekend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben’s patience is wearing thin as he watches Callum pore over his work. He’s not ashamed to admit he likes to have Callum’s attention on him, craves it even. When just under an hour has passed and there’s still no sign of Callum being finished, Ben decides to take matters into his own hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Callum’s head doesn’t lift from the table as Ben passes by to go to the bedroom, missing the mischievous look on his boyfriend’s face, a tell-tale sign that he’s come up with an idea. It’s dead silent for a few moments until the bedroom door creaks open, Ben’s bare feet slapping against the floor as he all but struts into the kitchen. He calls out Callum’s name once, but it falls on deaf ears as Callum scrawls away on the paper. He tries again, hands on his bare hips as he waits for his boyfriend’s eyes to land on him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still nothing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Callum, give me attention!” Ben claps his hands together loudly, trying to break whatever productive bubble Callum is entranced in. Finally, Callum’s eyes land on him, mouth dropping open as he his pen hits the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben can’t help but smirk as he turns to walk back towards the bedroom, not a stitch of clothing in sight. “Are you sure you’re still too busy to pay attention to me?” he calls out as he reaches the bedroom door. Ben turns his head to look at Callum as he speaks, Callum’s eyes are burning into the back of him, a red flush on his cheeks as he shakes his head at his insane partner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Ben disappears behind the door, it isn’t long before he hears the scrape of the kitchen chair against the floor and footsteps following close behind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>(The paperwork doesn’t get finished.)</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. "but i've never told you that before."</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>“But I’ve never told you that before.”</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callum’s been looking forward to this all day, phone resting against a pile of books on the kitchen table to keep it upright. He’s got a bowl of chicken pasta sitting in front of him, steam swirling through the air, blurring the photo of Ben on his lockscreen. He takes a swig out of his beer bottle, excitement running through his veins. This has fast become his favourite part of the week.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The phone hardly rings before Callum’s swiping across the screen, a wide smile taking over his face when Ben’s face pops up. It’s become their thing now during lockdown, Friday night facetime dates, and Callum would be lying if he said he hadn’t been looking forward to this all week.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They video call most nights these last few weeks, laying in bed with their phones propped up on the pillows opposite, chatting quietly about what they got up to during the day. Ben usually has some funny story about something Lexi’s done, eyes crinkling with laughter as he relays whatever wild thing Lexi had done or said. It makes Callum’s heart ache as much as it fills it with happiness at the same time, he just misses them both so much. He’d gotten used to their little routines, walking Lexi to school and heading to the cafe for breakfast after, weekend picnics in the park when the Spring sunshine finally broke through the grey London clouds. And to go from seeing them both every day to just through a phone screen, it was hard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As difficult as it is, they know it’s for everyone’s safety that they stay apart, Callum still having to work with people, in danger of catching the virus and passing it on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But, Friday’s are different from their normal calls. They treat it like a proper date night, put on fancy shirts and cook the same meal so they can eat it together, even if they’re physically apart. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now, Ben is smiling back at him, sitting at the Mitchell’s kitchen table in a crisp white shirt. He looks good, so good it makes Callum ache deep inside with want. God, he misses him so much. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello handsome.” Ben’s voice is light and cheeky, raising his beer bottle in a mock toast to Callum. It makes a soft laugh escape Callum’s mouth, he’s missed that face so much, wants nothing more than to press a sweet, lingering kiss to Ben’s lips. “Alright, sexy?” he quips back, relishing in the way it makes Ben’s head tip back in laughter, a faint blush covering his cheeks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They chat about everything and anything as they eat, Ben filling Callum in on some film Lola forced him to watch, complaining that he’ll never get those hours of his life back. Callum rolls his eyes fondly, knowing how dramatic his boyfriend is. “You’ll just have to pick the movie next time babe, pick something decent like Bad Boys or summat.” Callum says, dropping his fork into the empty bowl, leaning back into his chair with a satisfied, full stomach. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re just saying that because it’s your favourite.” Ben scoffs, popping the lid off another beer. His voice was light and teasing, but his words made Callum still for a moment, before a confused smile spread across his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’d you know that?” Callum asks, leaning slightly forward in the chair, resting his chin on his hand. Ben’s eyebrows knit together in confusion, not sure where his boyfriend was going with this. “Is it not your favourite?” he wonders, confused why his words had made Callum’s smile spread even wider.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Callum shakes his head lightly, “No it is, but I’ve never told you that before.” He doesn’t miss how Ben’s mouth forms a little ‘o’ as his eyes widen slightly, before his face shifts into a more embarrassed expression.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben had been scrolling through his phone a few days ago when he clicked into Callum’s Facebook profile, and before he knew it he was years back, laughing his head off at all the random statuses and photos Callum had posted. Ben had remembered reading one of Callum’s old statuses and admiring his boyfriend’s taste in movies, even if his spelling was absolutely atrocious. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>just watched Bad Boys wif Stu, it waz sooo gud!!! fav movie evr!! :D</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh” Ben shifts a bit in his chair, doesn’t know why he’s finding this so embarrassing, couples look through each other’s profiles all the time. But, maybe not as far back as Ben had scrolled, pure boredom making it seem like the most interesting read ever. And, Callum never spoke much about what he was into before the army, so Ben was interested. Sue him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I might have done a bit of a Facebook stalk a while ago, you had up something about it being the best movie ever.” God, this is so embarassing. He sounds like the biggest creep ever. He’s considering actually hanging up when Callum’s loud laugh echoes through the speaker, eyes crinkling at the corners. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your face!” Callum’s grinning at him, eyes bright, “It’s okay that you’re obsessed with me, babe.” Ben knows he’s teasing, the little giggles falling from Callum’s lips easing the embarrassment out of him. “You wish, Highway.” he winks, letting himself laugh along with his boyfriend. Callum doesn’t let it drop for the rest of the call, Ben almost choking on his beer when Callum hangs up with a cheeky “Seeya stalker!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As far as date nights go, it ain’t all bad.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. "is there a reason you're blushing like that?"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>“Is there a reason you’re blushing like that?”</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As the sun begins to disappear behind the evening clouds, Callum reaches out for Ben’s hand, entwining their fingers and letting their hands fall into the space between them as they walk. Ben’s hand is small in his own, but still somehow it fits perfectly with Callum’s, warm skin welcome against the chill in the air. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Callum’s not afraid to admit that he craves Ben’s touch all the time, doesn’t feel fully content unless they're touching somehow, whether it be Ben’s head in his lap as they binge-watch another series on the sofa, or hands searching out the other’s as they walk through the Square. If you had told Callum even just a year ago that he wouldn’t feel complete without Ben Mitchell’s touch, he’s sure he would’ve asked if you needed your head checking. But now, it feels like the most natural thing in the world. Because it is.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To love and be loved by Ben, it’s like dancing around the fire. Just dangerous enough that you know you may get burned, but warm enough that it sets your soul alight, makes your fingers tingle with want and your heart beat with the thump-thump-thump of he is </span>
  <em>
    <span>mine</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Callum doesn’t realise how lost in thought he is until Ben’s nudging him gently in the side, smile pulling at the corner of his lips as he tilts his head to look up at his boyfriend. “Is there a reason you’re blushing like that?” his voice is light enough that Callum can tell he’s teasing, as if the playful glint in his eyes didn’t already give it away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Callum shrugs his shoulders gently, feels his cheeks grow even redder under Ben’s gaze. “Just thinking, I wasn’t even blushing until you said it.” It’s not that he’s embarrassed, but he’s a bit caught off guard, not expecting it to be so noticeable when he’s thinking about Ben. He’s got it bad, the </span>
  <em>
    <span>love bug</span>
  </em>
  <span> his mum used to call it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben huffs out a quiet laugh, stopping and and turning so he’s facing Callum properly. His free hand slips into the space between Callum’s shoulders and neck, thumb stroking at the sensitive skin. “Well, I hope it was me you were thinking about to make you blush like that.” he’s smiling, fingers squeezing Callum’s as their eyes meet. His blue eyes are shining so bright, even as the sunlight is fading around them, crinkling at the corners from the smile on his face. He is beautiful, Callum thinks, the kind of beautiful that people write poetry about. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He can’t help himself, leaning down until his lips are brushing against Ben’s own, voice a whisper before he finally catches Ben’s bottom lip in a kiss.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Always.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. hold on to me (‘cause i’m a little unsteady)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>based off a tumblr prompt<br/>i’m a bit unsure about this one but it’s been sitting in my drafts for long enough so here it is!<br/>if you read, i hope you enjoy x</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It’s nearing midnight and Callum’s pacing the floors of the flat, nails bitten down to nothing, worry in the pit of his stomach leaving a sick taste in his mouth. He hasn’t been able to get through to Ben for hours, not being able to call him with the hearing barrier and texts being left unanswered. Ben had been acting shifty all week, more jumpy than usual, never fully relaxed even when it was just him and Callum alone together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That should have been his first sign that something was wrong, Callum thinks. He’d just put it down to operation nerves, the longer wait making Ben more anxious about the whole thing. But now, Callum’s thinking that he’s gone and done something stupid, got himself in on something he can’t handle, getting involved in a deal with his father to prove that he hasn’t changed. Hearing or deaf, he’s still Phil Mitchell’s son, can still make him proud. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It makes Callum heart ache for his boyfriend, he wants nothing more than for Ben to understand that he is already more than enough, doesn’t need approval of anyone for it to be true. But, that’s not Ben and Callum knows it. He needs the acceptance from his father, </span>
  <em>
    <span>craves</span>
  </em>
  <span> it like a drug, and like any addiction, it never ends well. Only leaves a trail of hurt and destruction in its wake. That’s thought that scares Callum most, knowing that Ben won’t stop until he feels he’s done enough to make Phil proud, not seeing that the things he does will never be enough. Not for a person who just takes and takes, always wants more, consequences be damned. That’s who Phil is, and he’ll never change. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The thought of Ben throwing himself into a dangerous situation, being even more vulnerable to getting hurt now, sends a chill up Callum’s spine. He almost lost Ben once before, images of Hunter waving a gun around the Vic squeezing at his heart, he’s not sure he can go through something like that again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Losing Chris, the first man he cared for so deeply, it hurt a lot, it never stop hurting really, just faded into a dull ache that he’s learned to live with. But, losing Ben? Callum knows he couldn’t survive it. Ben’s managed to get under his skin, set his soul on fire and nestle into the grooves of his heart. A life without Ben by his side, it’s bleak and empty. It’d be like trying to walk the earth after being given a taste of what heaven feels like. Eternally disappointing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s just talking himself out of ringing Phil and demanding to be told where Ben is when his boyfriend stumbles through the door, steadying himself with a hand against the wall. Anything Callum is about to say gets caught in his throat when he catches sight of the state of Ben’s face. There’s a bruise blossoming across his cheekbone, mottled an ugly shade between red and green, and a cut above his eyebrow that has red streaking down his face. He at least has the decency to look ashamed, lips pursed together tightly like he’s trying to decide what the best thing to say is. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where were you?” Callum speaks slow and deliberately, making sure Ben understands every word. He’s so fucking angry with him right now, but at the same time relieved that he’s home and okay. Ben bites down on his bottom lip, teeth biting at the skin roughly, eyes not meeting Callum’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I had to do a job for my dad. Look, I don’t want to lie to you, yeah. It got a bit...out of hand and I ended up getting in a scrap with the Old Bill. They can’t charge me with nothing though and -”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Callum cuts him off, disbelief clear as he says “You did what?”.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben coughs quietly to clear his throat, hand pressed to his chest afterwards giving away that he’s in pain, but he tries to change the subject from what they’re talking about. “It’s sorted Callum. I didn’t think you’d still be awake anyway.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s the last straw for Callum, he feels himself snap after weeks of not being able to get through to Ben, frustration and fear building up rapidly inside him, not able to decide whether he wants to wrap Ben up in a hug or scream at him until he sees sense. His hands are flying around in front of him, body shaking with the cacophony of emotions running riot within him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you fucking joking me, Ben? You didn’t think I’d be up worried about you?” his voice is loud, mouth moving too fast for Ben to catch everything. But, now that Callum’s started, he can’t stop the words falling from his mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You think you can just swan off doing God knows what with whoever and what? I won’t think twice about going to bed without you? I’ll just think to myself ‘oh don’t worry Callum, it’s not like he’s got form to do something stupid’. You really think that?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’re still standing in the same spot as they were when Ben first stumbled in, Ben looking like he regrets walking through the door at all and Callum’s cheeks flushed as he shouts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sick of this Ben! You can’t keep doing this, putting yourself in dangerous situations. Think about the people who love you. Me, Lexi, your mum. You think we wanna see you like this? But, you don't care do you? Once daddy’s happy with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The shouting is too much for Ben, amplifying the dull ringing in his ears to one much louder, a bolting shock of pain making his hands fly up to cover his ears. He wants it to </span>
  <em>
    <span>stop</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everything is too much and not enough at the same time. He squeezes his eyes shut tight, pressing his hands even harder against his ears, shutting the world out. Shutting Callum out. Ben hates disappointing him, it leaves a sour taste in his mouth, makes him feel small and undeserving of the love that Callum so freely gives him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But, disappointing his father makes him feel much, much smaller. Like that weak little boy he’s trying so desperately to leave in the past. So, he can’t help himself, he takes the jobs and he risks it all for even just an ounce of pride. Not that he’s ever fully received it, but he’ll never stop trying. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He jumps a little when he feels strong arms wrap around him, enveloping him in a solid, warm embrace. Callum pulls him in flush against his chest, one hand moving to rub gently against Ben’s back. It’s soothing, and Ben lets himself fall into Callum, the ringing lessening slightly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This is his safe place, where he feels most at ease, in Callum’s arms. He curls his fists into Callum’s hoodie and lets himself breathe. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sun has long since set over Walford when Callum’s setting down two cups of tea on the bedside locker. Ben’s sitting up against their headboard, wrapped up in one of Callum’s old hoodies, grey material stretched down over his hands. They haven’t slept at all since Ben came home, and they know it won’t be long before the world wakes up again and they're wrapped back up in the hustle and bustle of life. But this moment right now, it’s just the two of them in the quiet of their flat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once they’d both calmed down, they sat and talked honestly about their relationship, things that were worrying them, how they were going to navigate through their new normal as a team, because it won’t work any other way. They’ve agreed now that they work together, open and honestly, not carrying on the way they had been. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It hadn’t been an easy conversation by any means, tears falling from both their eyes as they opened up their hearts wholly and completely in a way they never have with each other, with anyone, before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now, Callum sits himself on the bed in front of Ben, tucking one leg underneath him so they’re facing each other. Ben gives him a small smile, moves his hands to sign.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I love you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Callum leans forward and presses a sweet kiss against Ben’s lips, before leaning back and moving his hands slowly and deliberately, eyes tired but happy.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I will always love you. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. "hold my hand"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>my first prompt-fill in a while.. it's quite short but i hope you enjoy!<br/>some callum x lexi softness for you on this sunday night :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Monday morning in the Mitchell household is never anything short of utter chaos. If Lexi isn’t shouting down the stairs that she can’t find her shoes, Ben’s swearing at the toast for burning his fingers, and Callum? Well, Callum’s just trying to make sure everyone makes it out on time and alive. </p><p>On this cold winter's morning, after a lot of running around looking for homework and trying to locate a lost tie, the three of them are finally sat around the table for a quick breakfast before work and school.</p><p>“Callum’s gonna walk you to school this morning, alright baby? I’ve got a meeting for work that I can’t be late for.”</p><p>Lexi’s face lights up at Ben’s words, giving Callum a toothy grin across the table. He smiles back at her over his cup of coffee, the steam making his cheeks redden as he tries to act like it isn’t the most disgusting thing he’s ever tasted. It’s rotten, sure, but it’s caffeine and if there’s anything he needs these days, it’s every bit of energy he can get. </p><p>“We can stop off at the cafe on the way there if we’ve got time, Lex. Pick you up a jam doughnut for your lunch or something. What do you think?”</p><p>Callum lets out a laugh when Lexi starts cheering, already thinking about what she’s going to pick. Ben doesn’t even bother to argue, just shaking his head at the two of them, but the little smile on his face gives away that he doesn’t mind. They both know that Lexi’s got Callum wrapped around her little finger, even more so than her dad. </p><p>Once they’ve finished breakfast and tidied up the kitchen, something they made sure to do since Phil commented about the ‘bombsite’ he walked into one morning, the time for them to leave for the day has quickly rolled around. </p><p>Ben gives them both a kiss on the cheek, promising to be back in time for tea before he’s running out the door, grey jacket flapping behind him. </p><p>After saying goodbye to Ben, Callum helps Lexi bundle up into her winter coat, pressing a quick kiss to her forehead after he pulls her bright pink bobble hat down onto her head. </p><p>“Right darlin, are we ready to go?” </p><p>They’ve just reached the end of the garden when Lexi tugs on Callum’s coat, slipping her little hand into his as they walk. When Callum looks down at her to ask what’s wrong, she’s already looking right up at him, blue eyes shining beautiful and bright against the dullness of the November morning.</p><p>“You have to hold my hand, Callum. I don’t want to get knocked down again!” Lexi says, voice matter of fact, reminding him so much of her dad. </p><p>Callum squeezes her hand in his gently, chest aching with just how lucky he feels to have this little family of his own.</p><p>“Always darlin.”</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thank you so much for reading, i hope you enjoyed!<br/>come find me on tumblr @halfwayinit</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. “don’t talk, save your strength” + “keep your eyes open”</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this is just pure angst im sorry... hope you enjoy anyway!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Square seems eerily still as Ben runs through it, feet slapping hard and fast against the wet pavement as he desperately tries to get more air into his heaving lungs. </p><p>
  <span>The sun’s almost set over Walford, casting an orange glow above the chimney tops. Ben would usually stop and admire it, snapping a quick picture to send to Callum on WhatsApp, knowing how much he loves them. Not this evening. This evening he doesn’t even notice it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He can’t get Jay’s words out of his mind, replaying them over and over until they make his head ache. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s Callum, he’s been shot. You need to get to the Arches now Ben. I don’t know if he’s going to make it. Hurry. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben’s never moved as fast in his life, out of his seat and bolting out the living room door before Phil can even ask what’s happened. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Who would do this? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The only person Ben can think of is Danny Hardcastle, but why go for Callum instead of Ben himself? It makes no sense. Callum’s the good one of the two of them, no one would want to hurt him. Even now that he’s joined the Old Bill, people in the Square still like him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This has to be someone trying to send Ben a message, nothing else makes sense.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s like the faster he tries to move the more his limbs work against him, slowing him down at a time when he’s never needed to be by Callum’s side more. Still, he pushes on, begging his muscles to move faster, to get him to Callum’s side. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He can’t let himself think about what he might find when he gets to the Arches, can’t let himself think that Callum might be gone before Ben’s makes it there. Ben imagines him gripping Jay’s hand and wondering where Ben is, why he isn’t there to save him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>No, Ben can’t think that. He tells himself that Callum will be okay, in pain of course, but he’ll be </span>
  <em>
    <span>alive</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he reaches the Arches, Ben doesn’t even give himself a second to calm down. Instead, he bursts through the door, eyes landing on Callum immediately as Jay steps back to let Ben kneel down beside him. </span>
</p><p>Callum’s shaky hand reaches out for Ben’s, fingers cold as they grip iron tight. He looks awful, face pale and cheeks blossoming with fresh bruises. Ben’s eyes move from his face to where his white shirt is stained crimson, Jay’s jumper pressed to it to try stop the bleeding. It looks bad, he’s losing too much blood. </p><p>Ben can feel tears build up at his lashes, eyes stinging as he forces them back. He has to be strong, for Callum. </p><p>
  <span>“There’s an ambulance on the way, I’ll go outside and wait for them.” Jay says, squeezing Ben’s shoulder as he moves away from them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Callum’s breathing deep and slow, trying to keep himself calm. He opens his mouth to speak, wanting to reassure Ben that he’ll be fine. He isn’t going anywhere.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben, I-“ he winces as he talks, the pain obviously unbearable as he stops himself from continuing, brows knitting together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben shushes him, lifting up their joined hands to press a soft kiss to Callum’s knuckles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t talk babe” he whispers, “Save your strength.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hates seeing Callum like this, bloodied and bruised, and so vulnerable. Callum doesn’t deserve this. Ben should be keeping him </span>
  <em>
    <span>safe</span>
  </em>
  <span>, not being the reason that he ends up half dead on the Arches floor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The minutes feel like they drag by as they wait for the ambulance to arrive, Ben trying desperately to keep Callum calm, the same way Callum did for him that time in the Vic. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben runs his fingers lightly through Callum’s hair, scratching softly at the nape of his neck in the way that he likes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Callum’s breaths are getting shallower as the seconds tick by, each breath becoming more and more difficult, his chest heaving with the effort of breathing. The sound makes Ben’s fingers shake, silently begging Callum to hold on until the ambulance arrive. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ben, I love you so much.” Callum gasps out, squeezing Ben’s hand as tight as he can, blue eyes piercing into Ben’s in the dim light of the garage. </span>
</p><p>Ben shakes his head, tears falling down his cheeks as Callum’s eyes flutter shut, fingers becoming loose in his grip. </p><p>
  <span>“No, no, Callum! Don’t you dare say goodbye to me. Keep your eyes open. Open your eyes, Callum!” Ben’s shouting now, gently shaking his boyfriend’s shoulders in an attempt to get him to open his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sees Callum’s eyelids flutter, but they don’t open. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the distance, Ben hears the sirens. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It can’t be too late. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Can it?</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. “i love you, but i need you to go away because you’re really bloody distracting and i have to pass this test tomorrow.”</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben’s hunched over his desk, fluffy blanket pulled tight around his shoulders to ward off the constant chill that seems to engulf his uni room. As much as he wishes he was anywhere else right now, this upcoming test has too much riding on it. If he wants any hope of passing this year, he needs to pass with flying colours. </p><p>But, no matter how long he stares down at his notes, nothing seems to be going in. The words are starting to blend together, his handwriting getting worse as he reads. Why did he leave it until the week before? He curses past-Ben, wishing that he’d kept on top of everything like he told himself he would at the beginning of the semester. </p><p>To make the entire situation worse, he’s got quite a big distraction in the form of his boyfriend just a few feet away. </p><p>Ben glances over to where Callum’s laying on top of the duvet, reading glasses perched on the bridge of his nose as he flips through one of his textbooks. Ben loves seeing him like this, hair still sleep-soft and flopping down onto his forehead, chewing on his lip as he tries to make sense of whatever it is that he’s reading. He looks cosy, bundled up in an old oversized hoodie and sweatpants, and the light coming in through the window seems to hit him just right, making him look like he’s glowing from the inside out. </p><p>Ben can’t help but get distracted as he looks at Callum, a small smile spreading across his face as he thinks about how lucky he feels that they found each other. Not that it was a perfect love story by any means. Ben had to do a lot of grafting before Callum would even agree to go on a date with him, but eventually he gave in, and they’ve pretty much been inseparable since, hence why Callum is studying on Ben’s bed instead of at his desk in his own room.</p><p>If he has any hope of studying, properly studying and not just reading his notes in between admiring his boyfriend, Ben needs no distractions. He spins around in his chair, catching Callum’s attention who sets down his book and gives Ben one of those half smiles that he loves so much.</p><p>“Cal, I love you, but I need you to go away because you’re really bloody distracting and I have to pass this test tomorrow.” </p><p>Callum’s mouth falls open at Ben’s words, eyebrows furrowing as he sits up properly on the bed.</p><p>“How am I  distracting you? I’m just sitting here reading!” </p><p>Ben pushes himself up from his chair, crossing the short distance from the desk to the bed and dropping down beside his boyfriend. Ben presses a swift kiss to his lips, his hand instinctively finding their way to the back of Callum’s head.</p><p>“You” he starts, dropping another kiss onto Callum’s lips, “are distracting me because you’re sitting there with your glasses and your dimples, and all I want to do is.. things that I definitely don’t have the time to be doing right now.”</p><p>That makes Callum laugh, his head tipping back and exposing the soft, smooth skin of his neck. Great, Ben thinks, another distraction.</p><p>“It’s not my fault that you’re constantly up for it. That sounds like a you problem.” Callum’s holding back more laughter as he speaks, revelling in the way his words make Ben’s cheeks flush.</p><p>Ben just shrugs, knowing he can’t argue with the truth. It’s not his fault that Callum is one of the most attractive men he’s ever seen, so sue him if he’s horny any time they’re in the same room. He’s only human. </p><p>“Alright, alright.” Callum says, pressing a kiss to Ben’s cheek, “I’ll leave you to study. But, you’d better ace this bloody test.”</p><p>It takes every ounce of willpower in Ben’s body to let Callum go, aching to reach out and pull him back down onto the bed. Does he really need to pass his exam that badly? Yes, yes he does. </p><p>Callum turns back to look at him when he reaches the bedroom door, throwing a wink, or an attempt at a wink, in Ben’s direction.</p><p>“Happy studying, Einstein. Don’t miss me too much.”</p><p>Yeah, fat chance of that.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. "i'm not kissing you in the rain! we'll catch our death!"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The sky above Walford has darkened from blue to grey as Callum and Ben walk hand in hand, the blackened clouds not giving any hope that they’ll make it home without being soaked to the bone. Yet, even with the threat of rainfall looming above them, neither of them make a move to walk any faster, both content in how they’re strolling along, arms touching as they make their way home for the night. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’ve just left a family dinner, ears still ringing from the noise of the Highway house. Between Stuart chatting the ears off them both about their wedding plans, or scolding them for the lack thereof, and Rainie running after Abi and Oscar shouting that they need to sit at the table with their uncles, both Ben and Callum are basking in the silence of the Square. As much as they love their niece and nephew, they’re not used to the noise. Especially not since Lexi’s become a broody tween who’s far too cool for them now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s nice, innit?” Callum says, squeezing Ben’s hand lightly so he tilts his head to look up at him, “Seeing them all so happy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben nods, a smile pulling at the corners of his lips. As much as he loves to moan about Stuart and Rainie, they’re some of the best parents in the square, and they’re so obviously content in their little family bubble.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, it is. I don’t envy them running after Oscar though. Obviously gets his wild side from his godfather, eh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Callum chuckles softly when Ben nudges him in his side, rolling his eyes at Ben’s words. He’s just about to open his mouth and retort when the heavens suddenly open up and begin to rain down on them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their laughter rings through the Square as they run, neither of them expecting the clouds to break quite as soon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Callum is the faster of the two of them thanks to his abnormally long legs, and he pulls Ben along behind him by their joined hands making a beeline for their flat. When he feels Ben tug on his hand, he thinks he’s just falling behind, but when it happens again, this time harder, Callum comes to a stop and turns to face his boyfriend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben resembles a Cheshire chat as he grins up at Callum, his hair stuck to his forehead as the droplets roll down his cheeks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong?” Callum asks, squinting slightly to see as the raindrops continue to hail down on them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben shakes his head as he laughs, pulling Callum into him by his lapels. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is our movie moment, babe. Our big kiss in the rain.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Callum can’t help the laugh that bubbles out of him, looping his arms around Ben’s waist despite the fact that he’s shaking his head as a way to say no you beautiful, crazy man, we are </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> kissing in the rain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not kissing you in the rain, Ben. We’ll catch our death!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite what he says, Callum can’t make himself move away from this embrace they’ve found themselves in. Being wrapped up in Ben, it spreads a warmth through Callum’s bones that not even the cold London rain can wash away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He leans down until their lips are softly brushing against each other and then Ben surges forward, pushing himself up onto his tiptoes and sucking Callum’s bottom lip between his own. Their lips are cold and the two of them are getting soaked more and more with every second they stand there, but it doesn’t stop them. If anything, it makes them want to cling to each other more, basking in the warmth that the other is emitting. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the cold eventually gets too much and they break apart to run for shelter, neither of them can wipe away the smitten smiles on their faces. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Some loves are made for movie screens, and theirs is one of them. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. "am i your lockscreen?" "you weren't supposed to see that."</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Ben slowly blinks awake, relishing in the heat that is enveloping his body. Callum’s arm is draped across his waist, his boyfriend’s body radiating off the comfortable kind of warmth that makes you want to never leave your bed. </p><p>It’s early, Ben can tell from the light peeking through the curtains, a sure sign that another day has begun in Albert Square. Instead of forcing himself up, he lets himself settle back into the bed, content to lay there in Callum’s embrace until their alarms go off and they have to start their usual routines. He feels Callum shuffle a little behind him, pressing a sleep-soft kiss to the nape of Ben’s neck as a way of saying good morning. It feels good, <em> intimate </em>, laying here wrapped up in one another.</p><p>The silence is comfortable, both of them content to bask in one of those rare moments between being asleep and being truly awake, where everything is mellow and hazy. Ben feels like he could lay like this for the rest of his life and die a happy man. </p><p>Everything about being around Callum feels warm and safe to Ben, it has from the moment they met, and this moment is no different. Callum’s arm wrapped around his waist, his chest to Ben’s back, it makes Ben feel like no one can touch him here. In Callum’s embrace, he is invincible. That’s what love should do, it should make you feel invincible, in the arms of your lover you are your most indestructible self. Ben hasn’t felt this way in years, and he intends to stay holding on tight for as long as he can. </p><p>After a few blissful moments, Ben feels Callum breath hot against his neck as he yawns, feels his body constrict as he stretches his muscles. He shifts in the bed until he’s facing Callum, giving him a bleary-eyed smile.</p><p>Callum drops a sweet kiss onto the bridge of his boyfriend’s nose, fingers instinctively tangling with Ben’s between them. </p><p>“Mornin’ sunshine.” Callum whispers, voice rough from sleep. </p><p>Ben can’t help but lean in for a soft kiss, morning breath be damned. When your boyfriend looks and sounds as good as Callum does in the morning, it’s not really an issue. They get lost in trading sleepy, soft kisses until Callum’s alarm pierces through the still of the morning, startling them.</p><p>“Jesus!” Ben moans, shoving his face into the pillow, “Turn that bloody thing off.”</p><p>Callum just laughs at Ben’s dramatics, far too used to them by now, and silences the alarm. He presses one last kiss to Ben’s bare shoulder blade before he forces himself up and out of the bed, knowing if he doesn’t that he’ll be easily convinced to throw caution to the wind and take the morning off, it wouldn't be the first time.</p><p>The alarm goes off again when Callum’s brushing his teeth, Ben throwing out his arm in a feeble attempt to make it stop. When there’s no sign of Callum coming back, Ben begrudgingly sits up and fumbles for the phone, ears ringing. He quickly swipes away the alarm and is about to throw the phone back down onto the duvet when something catches his attention. </p><p>A picture of himself is shining up at Ben, eyes twinkling bright as he grins at the camera. Ben recognises the background immediately, Brighton pier stretching out behind him. They’d gone one weekend a few months ago, both of them desperate to get away from the Square for a few hours. </p><p>Sun, sea, and too many pints by the pier, it’d been perfect. </p><p>Ben’s almost lost in the memory, so much so that he hardly hears Callum come back into the room. It’s only when the bed dips beside him as Callum sits that Ben holds up the phone in his hand. </p><p>“Am I your lockscreen?” he asks, cheeks flushing peony pink as he waits for Callum’s answer. </p><p>Callum looks from Ben’s face to the phone in his hand, lockscreen still lit up. He chews on his lip while he thinks of an answer, not expecting the self-consciousness to flare up within him.</p><p>“You weren’t supposed to see that.” he shrugs, reaching to take the phone from Ben. They’ve been dating a few months now, why does he feel so embarrassed? He feels like a love-struck teenager all over again, caught out at having his boyfriend as his lockscreen.</p><p>Ben stops him from grabbing the phone, fingers wrapping around Callum’s wrist to keep him in place, and he leans forward until they’re face to face. </p><p>“Hey” he whispers, ducking until their eyes meet across the short space between them. “I like that you have me as your lockscreen. Makes me love you that little bit more than I already do, if that’s even possible.”</p><p>His words make Callum smile, glad that his boyfriend finds it endearing more than anything else. Relief floods through him and unknots the tension in his muscles, and he lets himself lean into Ben, foreheads touching.</p><p>“I love you so much.” Callum whispers, “I spent so many years longing for someone like you Ben, and I never really believed I’d find you. I think seeing your face every time I pick up my phone reminds me how lucky I am to have you.”</p><p>Ben’s hand finds its way to the back of Callum’s head, thumb gently caressing the skin at the nape of his neck. He feels like he might combust with how in love he feels in this very moment, everything he feels for Callum more amplified than it ever has been before. It thrums through his veins, makes him feel like he’s floating.</p><p>“I love you too, you soppy bastard.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. “it’s six o’clock in the morning. you’re not having vodka.”</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They’re giggling as they stumble in the back door of the Mitchell house, fingers intertwined tight in a feeble bid to keep each other standing upright. Ben’s cheeks are flushed a deep red and his eyes are glassed over as he spins to face Callum properly. He untangles his fingers from Callum’s grip and reaches out to pull him in closer by his tie, lips ghosting over one anothers.</p><p>
  <span>“Love you so much Cal” Ben whispers out, the words just loud enough for Callum to hear, “Always gonna be in love with you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Callum can’t help the smitten smile that spreads across his face, looping his arms around Ben’s waist and pulling him closer until they’re chest to chest. He loves when they’re close like this, bodies touching in every possible way that it’s almost impossible to tell where Callum begins and Ben ends. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’ve been side by side all day long, enjoying the celebrations surrounding their best friends finally tying the knot. If Callum’s honest, seeing Jay and Lola so happy and in love on their wedding day, it’s made him realise just how much he wants to put a ring on Ben’s finger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Love you more, never wanna be without you. Ever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’re swaying slightly as the stand wrapped up in each other, alcohol thrumming through their veins from a long day of celebrating and drinking, loosening their tongues and breaking down any barrier that may still stand between them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben pushes himself up slightly on his tippy toes until they’re almost, but not quite, eye to eye. He just looks at Callum for a moment, a dopey smile gracing his face as he seems to find whatever it is he was searching for.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gonna marry you one day, make a Mitchell of you.” He sounds so sure, like it’s something he’s thought a lot about.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His words make Callum blush, butterflies fluttering low in his stomach as he thinks of a day where he’ll be Callum Mitchell. It has a nice ring to it, he thinks.</span>
</p><p>Callum can’t seem to get past the lump that’s appeared in his throat, so he leans down and kisses Ben like it’s the first time all over again, trying to pour every ounce of love and want and need into the kiss. He seems to take Ben by surprise, his boyfriend falling into him, making them thud into the back door. It’s messy and they taste of champagne and lager, but neither of them seem to care. </p><p>When they eventually part, Ben presses another soft kiss to Callum’s lips before spinning around and making his way across the kitchen to where they keep all their alcohol.</p><p>“Let’s celebrate, us being together and being happy. I’m sure we’ve got some vodka in here somewhere.”</p><p>
  <span>Callum laughs, quickly striding over and stopping Ben before he can pour them a drink. He’s sure they’ve had enough by now, the two of them some of the last to leave the afters. </span>
</p><p>“It’s six o’clock in the morning babe, you’re not having vodka.”</p><p>The pout on Ben’s face has Callum giggling like a teenager with a crush, gently pulling the bottle from Ben’s grasp and placing it back on the shelf.</p><p>“You’ll thank me in the morning.” Callum promises, pressing a kiss to Ben’s cheek in an attempt to keep him sweet, and also distract him from reaching for the vodka again. </p><p>
  <span>“Fine, fine. No vodka, but you’ll have to come celebrate with me upstairs instead.” Ben attempts to wink, but he’s not quite able to manage and it ends up more like a weird double blink instead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Callum laughs quietly to himself as he watches Ben strut towards the stairs, trying and failing to be seductive. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lead the way, Casanova.”</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. "have you seen my hoodie?" "noo." "you're wearing it aren't you?"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben’s blinking away sleep as he lays in bed, huddling further beneath the duvet despite knowing it’ll only make his eyes grow heavier. There’s a movie buzzing in the background, some old black and white Christmas movie that he’s lost all interest in. It’s not the same, watching a movie without Callum beside him and asking questions every five seconds as if Ben was the director or something. The light from the television is acting as a lamp for him, Ben knowing that he’ll slowly begin to drift off if the room is in darkness.</p><p>He’s been waiting for his phone to ring all day, not ashamed to admit that he can’t go to sleep without talking to his husband. Callum’s been away all weekend, just having enough time for a phone call or FaceTime before he faceplants the hotel bed. The amount of weekend courses he has to complete for his new job is overwhelming, but it’s like he was born to be a social care worker and he takes it all in stride, even if it means they have to sacrifice a lazy Sunday morning or two until he’s fully qualified.</p><p>Ben is so unbelievably proud of him, always has been, but especially now, seeing his husband pursue his dreams and give it his everything.  It’s not easy, far from it, but it’ll be worth it in the end.</p><p>When his phone finally rings, Ben answers in seconds, a smile already taking over his face at the sight of his husband. </p><p>“Hello, handsome.” Callum grins, winking at Ben through the screen.</p><p>It’s a terrible attempt at a wink, he’s never truly got the hang of it over the years, and it makes Ben laugh. Callum joins him, leaning back against the pillows on his hotel bed as he takes in just how good Ben looks. </p><p>“I miss you” Ben sighs once they finally suppress their laughter, “Is it Monday morning yet?”</p><p>Callum smiles sweetly back at him, his heart fit to burst with just how lucky he feels to have someone miss him, to have a <em>husband</em> who misses him and can’t wait for him to come home. It’s not something Callum ever thought he could have, and he’ll never take it for granted. </p><p>“I miss you too, darlin. I might be able to get home Sunday night if I can plough through all this coursework tomorrow. Might even treat you to a fry-up Monday morning if you’re lucky.”</p><p>That seems to satisfy Ben and they chat aimlessly about their days until Callum can’t help the yawns that are escaping him, his body begging for sleep before another long day of work and study to come. </p><p>“You need to sleep babe, we’ll talk tomorrow yeah?”</p><p>Callum nods, his eyes blurry with tiredness. As much as he needs sleep, it’s worth skipping out on an hour to get to see Ben’s face and hear his voice.</p><p>“Yeah, hey before you go, have you seen my hoodie around the house? The grey one? I thought I packed it but it’s not in my bag.” </p><p>Ben’s eyebrows raise as he shuffles further beneath the duvet, guilt all over his face. </p><p>“Noo.” He’s trying to hold back a laugh, knowing that Callum will see right through him in seconds. </p><p>Callum’s laugh rings through the room, a smitten smile spreading across his face. He knows Ben too well, his husband can’t hide anything from him anymore.</p><p>“You’re wearing it, aren’t you?”</p><p>Ben sits fully up in the bed and let’s the duvet fall from around him, Callum’s favourite grey hoodie enveloping him as he smiles sheepishly into the camera. He couldn’t help but take it from Callum’s bag when he saw his husband had packed it, knowing it would be the perfect thing to sleep in when he was missing him. Callum wears it so often that it’s got this distinct scent on it, something so very <em>Callum</em> that calms Ben when he needs it.</p><p>Callum just shakes his head, not-so-secretly loving the sight of his husband in his clothes. It makes a warm feeling spread through his bones, knowing that Ben wants to be as close to him as he can when they’re apart.</p><p>“Sleep well darlin,  I love you.”</p><p>“Love you more.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. "can you shut up for once in your life?" + "if you don't hug me right now i think i might fall apart."</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hiiii i haven't written a prompt in a hot minute so forgive me if this is a little.. yknow, shit<br/>hope u enjoy! :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>“Can you shut up for once in your life?”</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>“If you don’t hug me right now I think I might fall apart.”</strong>
</p><p><br/>Callum’s opening the door of the car lot before he can talk himself out of it, feet taking him straight to the one person that he knows he can unreservedly and unashamedly be himself around. </p><p>His mind is going a hundred miles an hour all morning, head spinning with Whitney’s voice talking about seating plans, wedding venues, suit fittings, and the overwhelming feeling that is entirely his own of <em>this isn’t what I want. </em></p><p>Callum feels trapped, like he’s staring down the barrel of a gun, but he’s the one with his finger on the trigger. How did he get here? Running so far from himself that he’s ended up tangling Whitney, the kindest person he knows, in his web of lies. It makes guilt tug at his heart, knowing that Whitney thinks she’s found the one she’s going to spend the rest of her life with. Her Prince Charming after all the frogs.</p><p>Callum knows he can’t lie anymore, Whitney doesn’t deserve it, <em>he</em> doesn’t deserve it. </p><p>Ben looks surprised to see him walk through the door, shifting in his chair as a smug smile settles across his lips. He crosses his arms, eying Callum’s every move as he makes his way across the floor to Ben’s desk. </p><p>“Alright?” Ben says, eyebrows quirking at how Callum just comes to a stop in front of him, “You here to try get me on my knees again? Or you want to return the favour? I mean you do owe me so-”</p><p>“Can you shut up for once in your life?” Callum cuts him off, cheeks flushing hot at the memory of Ben on his knees in this very office just a few days ago, but his words are harsh, harsher than Ben’s heard before.</p><p>Callum seems to catch himself then, dropping down onto the leather sofa with a soft sigh as he rubs his hand across his face. He can feel a headache building behind his eyes, the kind that makes you want to lay alone in a dark room for hours. </p><p>“I’m sorry Ben, I didn’t mean that. I just- Whit keeps peckin’ my head about stuff for the wedding and I want to be excited about it, I do, but there’s this voice in my head that won’t go away warning me that I’m going to hurt her.” </p><p>Callum’s expecting Ben to scoff at him, to laugh in his face even, and tell him it’s what he deserves for being such a coward, for lying to everyone around him and trying to play the part of someone he’s not. But, that doesn’t happen.</p><p><br/>Instead, Ben drops down lightly onto the sofa next to Callum, hand reaching out to gently squeeze Callum’s knee. When Callum meets Ben’s eyes, they’re glistening, like he pities Callum more than anything else.</p><p>“This is really tearing you up, innit?” Ben asks softly, thumb moving in a soothing pattern through the fabric of Callum’s slacks. </p><p>It’s like looking in a mirror, seeing the pain etched across Callum’s face, shoulders tense with the sheer guilt that’s eating him up inside. It reminds Ben of himself, all those years ago when who he was made shame curl low in his stomach. Seeing Callum like this, Callum who has the kindest heart on the Square, it’s bringing back all those memories that he’s tried so hard to forget.</p><p>Callum nods stiffly, chewing harshly on his lip, harsh enough that it makes Ben wince and reach out to run his thumb gently across Callum’s lower lip.</p><p>“Don’t do that, don’t hurt yourself.” Ben whispers, desperately wishing that he could take away every ounce of pain and hurt that’s plaguing Callum. </p><p>But, he can’t. All he can do is be there for him, every step of the way, a silent force of support that Callum knows he can rely on. Someone that won’t judge, won’t turn him away. Someone who loves him for <em>who he is</em>, not who he’s pretending to be.</p><p>A solitary tear rolls down Callum’s cheek as he looks at Ben, heart aching with the look on Ben’s face. He’s never had someone look at him like that before, like they see right through him and want him regardless. It makes him fall that bit deeper, any chance of pretending not to have feelings for Ben long gone. </p><p>“If you don’t hug me right now I think I might fall apart.”</p><p>In Ben’s arms, Callum lets himself believe that everything will be okay. </p><p>“You’ll get through this Callum, I promise. And I ain’t gonna let you fall apart okay? I’m here. Always.” </p><p>Callum buries his face in Ben’s neck, lets his eyes flutter shut and finally<em> breathes</em>. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ps my tumblr is now @calangelhighway</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. “don’t you ever do that again!”</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>“don’t you ever do that again!”</b>
</p><p>
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</p><p>The Brighton sun is shining down unwavering and sweltering hot, an unnatural occurrence during the English summertime. The pier is packed with holiday-goers and people trying to make the most of the good weather, ice cream cones in almost every hand, beginning to melt and drip down the sides of the cone from the moment they’re purchased.</p><p>Callum huffs out a puff of warm air as he pushes the stroller along the pier, wishing he’d thought to wear his sunglasses today, squinting is not a good look on him as Ben had most graciously told him. Squinting and all, Callum couldn’t be happier than he is right now, surrounded by his family in the sun, ready to make as many memories as they can. </p><p>They’ve come to Brighton for the week, determined to squeeze in at least one family holiday before Lexi has to go back to school and the winter slowly but surely makes a home in Albert Square once more. It’s their first holiday as a family of four, Jamie’s first time away from Walford since he was born, and they plan on making the most of every moment.</p><p>“Dad!” Lexi squeals as she tugs on Ben’s arm, pointing over at an ice cream stall with a miraculously small line, “Can we get an ice cream cone? Please? It’s so hot I’m going to melt!”</p><p>“Hmm” Ben hums, pretending to think about it for a moment, casting a playful wink in his husband’s direction, “What do you think babe? I think it’s too <em> cold </em> for an ice cream today!”</p><p>Callum lets out an exaggerated gasp as he stops in his tracks, eyes comically wide as he slaps his palm to his chest in feigned shock, “Too cold for an ice cream? There’s no such thing! Every weather is ice cream weather, isn’t that right Lex?”</p><p>A delighted burst of laughter escapes Lexi as she skips up to Callum’s side, excitedly hugging into his side as she tells him “This is why you’re the best other daddy <em> ever </em>!”</p><p>Her words make something bloom in Ben’s chest as he looks at the two of them giggling with one another, big smiles stretching across their lips as they team up on Ben, a regular occurrence in the Mitchell household. It’s not something he ever imagined for himself, a loving and devoted husband, two beautiful children, a life that he can be proud of. They’re his people, his family, his <em> everything </em>.</p><p>“Alright, alright, fine. Daddy Callum can pay though, seen as he’s our resident ice cream enthusiast! I’ll have a 99 babe.”</p><p>Callum just laughs at his husband’s teasing words, steering the stroller towards the stall, taking a quick peek over the top to check that Jamie’s still napping soundly. Days like these, summer trips to the seaside, laughing in the sun with his family, it’s blissful. It makes Callum smile to himself as he places their order, leaning against the handle of the stroller as they wait, Lexi and Ben either side of him.</p><p>It’s only when Callum turns to pass Lexi her cone that he realises she’s no longer standing beside him. Instantly, panic shoots through his body, quickly turning in the hopes that she’s just stood back and waiting impatiently. But when he can’t see her, his heart drops in his chest. She never wanders off, never. He and Ben had told her so many times to never go off anywhere by herself, instilling the age-old stranger danger teaching that passes down from parent to parent.</p><p>“Ben, where is she? She was right beside me a second ago. Lexi? Lex!”</p><p>Callum can’t help the hysteria that bleeds into his voice, palms sweaty as he attempts to maneuver the stroller with his one free hand. Ben is just as panicked, if not already more so, calling out Lexi’s name and trying to spot her through the crowds of people on the pier. It’s like trying to find a needle in a haystack, panic growing within them with every passing second.</p><p>After what feels like an eternity, Callum spots her little blonde head of curls bent down and patting a little terrier whose owner is deep in conversation with another stranger, not even paying attention to the dog and it’s admirer. </p><p>“Lex!” Callum shouts, both him and Ben practically sprinting to her side, relief flooding their veins. She looks over at them with an innocent toothy grin, clearly unaware of the sheer frenzy she has just caused</p><p>Ben scoops her little frame up into his arms, crushing her in a hug that Callum joins in on, the two of them letting out a breath of relief in harmony. </p><p>“Don’t you ever do that again!” Callum says shakily as Ben sets her back down onto the pier, chest still tight with the anxiety of the entire situation, “You really scared us, Lex. You can’t just wander off okay? It’s very dangerous.”</p><p>Her eyes are wide as she looks between Ben and Callum, clearly only now realising the fright that she had given them both. Callum can practically see the childish guilt in her bright blue eyes as she grabs for both of their hands.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I just really wanted to see the dog because he was really cute but I’ll never ever do it again, I promise.”</p><p>After some scolding, some apologies, and lots of pinky promises that it will never happen again, Lexi breaks the remaining tension in the air as she glances over at the ice cream stall, lips forming into an innocent pout and eyes widening in a way that they know means she’s about to ask for something.</p><p>“So.. ice cream?”</p><p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i hope you enjoyed<br/>come find me on tumblr @calangelhighway :)<br/>feedback always welcome and wanted</p></blockquote></div></div>
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